He Said He Lost Feelings for Me! Why Your Boyfriend May Not Be Gone for Good
“Help, he said he lost feelings for me!” If ever there was panic in a woman’s voice, it would be when she’s saying these words. Hearing your boyfriend say that he’s not sure he loves you anymore or he’s not as “in love” with you as he once was, is life changing. You see the end of the relationship on the horizon and you’d do anything to change that course. Is it doomed once he’s expressed to you that his feelings have indeed changed, or is there still some hope to cling to? My motto is “Don’t give up on him if you still truly love him.” The man is essentially telling you that he’s starting to drift away so you definitely have an opportunity to change that before it’s too late and you lose him for good.
When a man expresses to the woman he’s involved with that he’s lost feelings for her, he’s gauging her reaction. Relationships change over time and many men simply become bored. If your boyfriend feels that the sizzle has long since left your connection, he may see you now as more of a friend than a lover. The fact that he told you what he was feeling, or what he isn’t feeling anymore, instead of just dumping you shows that he’s willing to try to repair whatever damage has occurred. That’s why it’s incredibly important that you don’t overreact to his confession and instead see it as a step towards rebuilding what has been lost.
By the time a man tells his girlfriend that he’s losing interest, he’s already got one foot out the door towards another relationship. In general, men can detach from their girlfriend much easier than she can detach from him. Typically this means that you’re going to have to put in more effort to save the relationship because he’s not as invested in it as he once was. You shouldn’t view this as anything more than a hurdle. You can get past it and reawaken his attention.
Don’t Constantly Talk About What’s Wrong With the Relationship
Your boyfriend is expecting you to panic and go all out in an effort to save the relationship. He’s expecting endless phone calls, gifts, and love notes. In fact, men will tell you that they often use their girlfriend’s reaction to the looming end of the relationship to gauge her commitment. This is a cruel way of judging your feelings and it’s unacceptable. You are not going to fall into this trap. You must make a promise to yourself, right now, that you won’t bring up what he said. If he told you that he’s fallen out of love, or he’s lost feelings for you or he’s not sure of his future, just sigh, smile shyly and tell him that you feel the same way. That one statement on your part, will jerk him right back into reality and the prospect of losing you.
Don’t Try and Make Him Jealous in an Effort to Get Him to Feel Something
As much as it drives us crazy to even consider that our boyfriend is talking to another woman, men just don’t care much either way. If your man has said that he’s not feeling as close to you as he once did, and you suddenly start hanging out with a very attractive man who you refer to as just as “friend,” your boyfriend is going to assume you’ve moved on and he’ll follow suit. Jealousy really has no place in any healthy relationship so don’t try to drag it into yours as a tool to recapture your boyfriend’s love. It won’t work.
Do Get On With Your Own Life
Putting your life on hold while you try and manage your relationship is giving it more value than it needs, at the moment. Your feelings haven’t changed and spending all your time consumed with thoughts about how to change your boyfriend’s feelings is useless and exhausting. He fell in love with you at a time when you were likely self focused, independent and happy. You have to try your best to allow him this time to figure out what he feels while you continue moving forward with your life. Your boyfriend doesn’t want to spend his time with a drama queen so don’t allow yourself the opportunity to fall into that role. Be satisfied with what you have, at this moment.
Do Encourage Your Boyfriend to Take Some Time to Think
Your boyfriend is likely waiting for you to beg him to stay and to give you another chance to show him why he should love you. If you instead, encourage him to take some time to consider what he wants in his life, you’ll be essentially hitting him with a left hook he didn’t see coming. Suggest that he hang out with his friends more, explore his hobbies and pursue his career goals. Make it clear that you’re going to do exactly the same. Men expect us to act a certain way in stressful, emotional situations. If we, instead, act compassionate, strong and in control, it pushes them to address their feelings in a very real way. Nothing makes a man want you more than acting as though you only want to be “his friend.”
I, too, have been in your shoes, on the brink of losing a man I truly and utterly adored. You can learn more about my personal journey towards reconciling with my boyfriend here.