Help Me Get Him Back! Expert Advice for Broken Hearted Women

“Gillian, help me get him back!” I get several emails that begin with that phrase each day. Women who are feeling on the edge of desperation over a break up. All they can see and feel is the pain of not being with the man they adore. To those women, the future looks cloudy and confusing. That’s so understandable given the loss they’ve just suffered. If that’s what you’re experiencing now, you know that it can overwhelm you. You can literally almost feel as though you’re drowning in the sorrow of the relationship evaporating into thin air. You can’t just text your boyfriend when you want anymore because he’s not your boyfriend. You can’t feel his arms around you when you’re having a melancholy day. Reaching out to him is forbidden now because he’s just no longer a part of your life. I know that at times it feels as though it’s impossible to think about a life without him. The future feels empty and you feel incredibly emotionally fragile. I’m here to help you gather yourself back together and face this with the grace you possess.

Before I start talking about how to feel better today, tomorrow and the day after that, I want to talk about the dynamic of dating relationships. Even when a dating couple is profoundly in love, there is always an “out.” It’s very different than what a married couple feels when they face conflict. Even if your boyfriend swore to you that he’d love you always, the door is always open just a crack because the commitment is fluid. Even if he felt desperately close to you one day that can change in an instant and he can entertain the idea of leaving you because it’s as simple as saying, “we’re done.” Please keep that in mind as you work through this. His decision to end the relationship may have come when he was feeling particularly low. Just as quickly as it occurred, his feelings can swing again.

Now, onto what you really want to know. You want to get the man to love and adore you again, right? That’s what brought you here so I’m going to offer my best advice.

Be Yourself – Be The Strongest You That You Can Be

One thing that is very difficult for most men to manage is an emotionally complex woman. That’s a bit of a surprise given the fact that the vast majority of women walking this earth are innately emotionally complex. Men don’t want to deal with that part of us though. They crave a relationship that is uncomplicated and easy. That may actually help you identify what your relationship with your boyfriend failed in the first place. If he started to feel that it was more work than fun, he ran for that open door that I mentioned earlier. Now that you’re broken up the last thing he wants is to constantly be confronted by your emotions. You have to literally pull yourself together if you truly want the man to turn around and take notice of you again.

Look Beyond Today and Tomorrow

I know you probably cringe when anyone tells you that time will help you move forward from the break up, but listen to them! They’re right. What you feel today is going to be slightly different than what you feel tomorrow and the day following that. Each day brings a new outlook and you really need to focus on what’s waiting for you further down the road.

Your ex boyfriend’s attitude towards you is going to change as the bitterness of the break up transforms into bittersweet memories of how you two used to be.

Give your ex boyfriend time to allow his emotions to settle. Respect that he needs to do that in his own way and do the same in your own way.

Cry at home if you need to, punch your pillow if it helps alleviate your frustrations and write him a letter expressing your sorrow. (Don’t send it to your ex boyfriend whatever you do!)

If you can remain optimistic, positive and kind throughout this process that is going to impact your ex boyfriend in some very important ways. He needs to see the best in you. You need him to see that. Be strong, be fearless and be the woman he fell in love with.

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