I Want Him Back! Tips to Make You More Desirable to Your Ex

I want him back!” That’s the tune you seem to be singing these days, isn’t it? You and your guy have gone through a rough patch that ended in a break up. Now that the emotional dust has settled and you’ve had a chance to survey the damage to your heart, you’re ready to jump back into a relationship with him. The problem is that he may not feel the same way about you. What’s a girl in your position to do? Do you chase after him to try and get him to pay attention to you again? No! Do you work on making him seethe with jealousy so he’ll beg you to come back? Absolutely not! Or do you gain some insight into male psychology so you can push certain triggers within him that will persuade him to think he wants you back? Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

Whenever a woman says, “I want him back,” it’s almost inevitably followed by the words, “and I’ll do anything to make it happen.” That’s a big no-no in the world of emotional logic. If you make it known to your ex that you’re willing to jump as high as he wants or beg as often as he desires, in a bid to get him back, you’re diminishing your own self worth. He’s going to see you as someone who values herself based on someone else, in this case him. In other words, if you show him that you’ll jump through hoops to get him back, you’re essentially telling him that he’s more important than you are in your own eyes. That’s not something you ever want to have happen with any man, especially one that you want to get back into your life.

Shift Your Attitude to Make Him Want You Back

If you want him back you’re going to have to shift your attitude from that of a desperate love sick girl to a confident, self assured woman. Men aren’t interested in women who chase them endlessly, particularly women who they used to date. He’s already seen all your flaws so if you show him that you are also pathetic in the aftermath of a break up, he’s going to run in the opposite direction as fast as his feet will carry him. You have to pull yourself together and at least give the illusion that you are okay without him. It’s this one thing that will make a huge impact on your ex.

I know it can be hard to tear yourself away from thinking about him constantly, but there are specific things you can do that will make it easier. I always advise women to finish something they’ve been putting off after the break up. It may be a course that you’ve always wanted to take in the evenings or perhaps it’s a room that needs painting in your apartment. Maybe you’ve been longing to spend time with a friend you haven’t seen in years. Choose something that has been on your to-do list for some time and get it done. Then move on to the next thing. If you can shift your focus to things that you are eager to do, you’ll find that you think about your ex less and less.

Use No Contact or Limited Contact to Get His Interest Back

Many people advocate no contact after a break up and I recognize the value in this. Essentially, by not talking with your ex at all you’re not only giving him the chance to see how strong you are without him but you’re also giving yourself time to not only breathe, but to grieve as well. You have to let go of the lost relationship because no matter what, you two aren’t going to be able to recapture that exactly as it was.

If you don’t feel you can completely do no-contact, then do limited contact. That means that you don’t actively seek out chances to contact your ex but you do respond if he contacts you. Your only responses should be cordial, but not overly friendly. Keep your composure, always end the conversation first and then let him be the one to contact you again. If you can do this, you’ll be showing him that no matter what, you’re not going to chase after him again.

Time can be your best ally when it comes to getting a man to want you back. He’s not going to be able to process the emotions that come with a break up as quickly as you do. Men just aren’t wired that way. He needs time to see what he’s lost and you need to give him that time.

I understand how hard it can be to love a man you’re no longer with. Please read about my personal break up story and how I went from being distraught over the loss of the man I adored to getting him back.

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4 Responses to “I Want Him Back! Tips to Make You More Desirable to Your Ex”
  1. rae says:

    i’ve been reading your site and i find it pretty insightful. there are alot of things you say that hit close to home. my problem is, and i’m hoping to get some advice, is my ex and i work at the same place but not for the same department (i work in the office of the catering department and he works on the operational crew). the no contact is a bit tough b/c if we are both working, we are going to see each other at some point. he is also still offering to help me do some work on my place, which again, is going to require contact. i have been doing my best at just being cordial and not searching for reasons to really talk to him. i think it kinda worked b/c he hesitated by me yesterday, like he was seeing if i would hang around after work to talk to him. he started acting goofy but all i said was “did i miss something?” then he stopped and i left. we had a short fling, before we actually dated, in which i gave him the cold shoulder for a month and a half, and he was doing this same thing, acting goofy and trying to grab my attention.

    anyways, i need some suggestions on how to apply all of your tips to my situation. i can’t just delete him from my work.

  2. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Rae, I completely understand how unique your situation is. I think, for the most part, you’re handling yourself amazingly well. Any woman who happens to work with her ex has to be mindful of each and every discussion they have. Ensure that you don’t wander into talking about the break up or reconciling. That’s not a discussion you want to be having with him at this point. It’s also wise to avoid talking about each of your current dating statuses. Although you may not be dating anyone new, it’s important not to announce that to an ex. By being cordial and friendly you’re establishing a new dynamic with your ex which is vitally important. He’ll soon start to realize that you view him as just that – a friend and not an ex lover. Most men love the challenge in that – they find it hard to be friendly with someone they once desired and cared for so keep it up. By keeping him at an emotional arm’s length you’ll actually be stirring up his romantic feelings. I hope this helps and let me know if you need any more advice. I’m always here. In life and love, Gillian

  3. rae says:

    thank you so much. i’d love to have him back, maybe when he matures a bit. he wants to be a kid and have fun at the moment but i sure don’t want him out of my life completely. i really am making a genuine effort to at least keep the friendship. i will continue on this road and hopefully, somewhere down it, he and i will cross romantic paths.

    thanks again!

  4. HelpfulDiva says:

    You’re very welcome Rae. All the best. In life and love, Gillian