Is My Ex Boyfriend Leading Me On? Understanding His Motivations

Is my ex boyfriend leading me on?” I’m asked that question often by women who are terribly confused about what exactly their ex boyfriend’s motivations are. These women typically all fall into the category of “woman who wants her ex boyfriend back.” I know how it feels since I was in those very same shoes at one time. You put a lot of hope in his advances one day and the very next day he acts like he’s happy that the break up happened. Is there a way to tell what’s really going on with him or do you have to let nature take its course? I’m not the most patient soul when it comes to matters of the heart and most women would confess the same about themselves. If you’re tired of trying to decipher your ex boyfriend’s actions and words, I’ve got a few tips that I know will help.

First and foremost, if you’re wondering whether or not your ex boyfriend is leading you on, he probably is. Women typically have some insight into the man they care about, even if they’re no longer a couple. If your heart is telling you that something just isn’t adding up with him, it likely isn’t. You know what it felt like when you two were deeply entrenched in your mutual love before the break up. It feels different now, doesn’t it? He’s hot and then he’s cold and you can’t read him from one day to the next. If your instinct is telling you that your ex boyfriend is playing games with you, listen to it. It rarely will steer you wrong.

You can also tell a lot about what a man wants by how receptive he is to your own advances. I’m not talking about leading your ex on, but consider how happy he is to hear from you when you call him. Does he answer? Does the call typically ring to voicemail and he takes his time getting back to you? Or, does he ignore your calls and messages completely? If a man is only contacting you when he wants and he’s not considerate enough to return your calls, he’s not that emotionally invested in you anymore.

Is Your Ex Boyfriend Trying to Boost His Own Ego?

Many men will test the waters after a break up just to boost their own egos. In this scenario it doesn’t matter if he’s the one who dumped you or if the reverse happened. There’s something satisfying to all of us when our ex still has feelings for us. Your boyfriend may be reaching out to you periodically just to see how receptive you’ll be to him. If you’re kind and friendly, he’s going to take that as a sign that you’re still willing to pursue a relationship with him. That small boost to his self esteem may be all he needs to find satisfaction in the moment. That’s why he’ll seem very interested, and then suddenly drop out of sight again.

The very best way to test his true motivations is to go silent yourself for a time. Don’t return his calls right away and never agree to see him at a moment’s notice. Don’t give away too much information about what is going on in your life right now. The key is to keep him guessing and keep him just out of arm’s reach.

If your ex boyfriend is really interested in reconnecting, he’ll continue to pursue you in a respectful way. He won’t play hot and cold. He’ll also want to talk about what went wrong between you two and consequently, what you can both do now to find a way to be closer again. If he seems oblivious to the fact that you two went through a painful break up and if he ignores the need to talk about what happened, the future isn’t his sole focus.

Don’t put yourself in a position in which you’ll inevitably be hurt again. By that I mean don’t allow yourself to become vulnerable emotionally or physically too quickly. If your ex boyfriend’s true intentions are to get back together with you, he won’t rush anything. He’ll also pace the reconnection so it’s comfortable for both of you.

I know, from firsthand experience, that it can be emotionally torturous waiting for an ex boyfriend to decide he wants to be with you again. You can read more about how I took the future of my relationship into my own hands here.

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