Loving an Ex Boyfriend
How I Got My Ex Boyfriend Back
Almost every woman has been faced with the heart ache of a man she loves deciding he wants the relationship to be over. When it happened to me, I felt as though I was watching the only man I loved walking out of my life for good. I couldn’t eat, sleep or even focus on my work. My life came screeching to a halt and all I really wanted was for him to take me back.
It didn’t take long before I found out that he was already seeing someone new. This only made the pain I was feeling worse. I couldn’t understand how he could go from loving me to spending time with a new woman just weeks later. I knew she couldn’t be right for him. I just didn’t know how to get that point across to him.
I made a huge mistake. I called him. I was emotional, almost hysterical and I begged him to dump her and take me back. He hung up on me more than once and completely ignored all my emails and text messages. I reached a point where I was desperate and tried to enlist the help of friends. I wanted them to talk to him for me. They all told me the same thing – to move on and forget him.
A caring and very honest friend finally told me that I needed to change what I was doing if I wanted any chance with him again. My whole approach, up to that point, consisted of crying, begging and pleading. It wasn’t working and the more time that passed, the more panicked I was becoming.
I decided that it was time for me to get serious about getting him back. I loved him and I wanted him and I wasn’t about to lose him forever to anyone else. It was then that I found a new approach and in no time at all he was the one calling me.
If you are stuck in this same situation and you love an old boyfriend, you can get him back forever and deeper in love with you than he was before. This worked for me. We’re back together and staying that way.
Mistakes to Avoid
What You Should Not Be Doing to Get Him Back
Right after the relationship with my boyfriend ended I felt as though my life was on hold. The only thing I could focus on was him and what went wrong. I played the past few weeks of our relationship, before the break up, over and over again in my mind. I was trying to find an answer to why the split happened. I also couldn’t stop thinking about getting him back. My mind was so consumed by thoughts of him that I let my 
emotions guide all my actions. I made some horrible mistakes.
Here’s a list of things I did that you need to NOT do if you are trying to get your old boyfriend back:
Waiting for him to call. I was guilty of doing this the first few weeks after the break up with my boyfriend and it was a big mistake. I was so worried that he’d call me at home that I didn’t venture out except to go to work. I actually even called in sick one day for fear of missing his call. Days and days passed with no call. I wasted a lot of time waiting. Don’t do this. Go on with your life and do all your normal activities. Sitting by a phone will not make it ring.
Ask him to explain the break up. If you are feeling a little lost about why the relationship ended, now is not the time to ask him about it. You’re too emotional right after the split and anything he says (or doesn’t say) is going to hurt. He likely won’t even have an answer for you. Don’t put him on the spot by asking why he doesn’t want or love you anymore.
Buy him gifts. This is another mistake that I made. I thought that if I sent him something I knew he wanted, that he’d see the error of his ways and want me back. It didn’t work that way at all. He returned the gift to me. It made me feel even worse.
Making even one mistake can cost you the chance to get him back. There are things you should be doing to get him back -learn what they are right now.
The Other Woman
What to Do if He’s Already Got a New Girlfriend
A break up itself can be devastating if you are still in love with your boyfriend, but if he jumps into a new relationship soon after ending yours, it can make you feel even worse. This is exactly what happened to me and the moment I realized he had moved on, I was certain I could feel my heart breaking inside my chest. I felt sick to my stomach and so sad. I was angry too and it was that anger that made me want to confront him. Not only did I want to ask him how he could be with someone so soon after being with me but I also wanted to tell him that he was making a huge mistake. I didn’t realize at that moment that even if your boyfriend has a new girlfriend, you can still get him back.
If your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend you must handle the situation in a very specific way. If you don’t you’ll risk losing him 
forever to her or to some other woman.
If it’s at all possible, try your best to avoid being in a situation where you will have to spend time with the two of them together. If you know that he’s going to be at a social function that you are supposed to be at, don’t go. You’ll only be torturing yourself if you have to be face-to-face with him and his new girl.
If you can’t avoid it, you’ll need to be prepared to meet her. This is a tough one but how you handle it will determine your future with the man you love.
Make a promise to yourself before you see him with his new girl that you’ll be cordial and kind. Be polite to her and smile at both of them. Don’t be overly sweet but be sure to give him the impression that you are fine with the situation.
Chat with them briefly and then make a reasonable excuse to leave the conversation. Keep your cool and stay collected.
You want to walk away from the meeting leaving him with the impression that you are fine with him having a new lady in his life.The fact that you don’t get upset, you don’t complain and you are nice will confuse him and make him question what you are feeling for him. This is exactly what you want to happen.
You can control the situation when you are trying to get your boyfriend back, even if he already is interested in someone new. Find out how to do it now.
What to Text Your Ex Boyfriend
I know what you feel like because I was in your shoes at one time. You pull your phone out of your handbag or your pocket, you open your address book... you scroll to your ex boyfriend’s name and you are ever so tempted to send him a text message telling him just how much you miss him.
You want nothing more than to be with him again. You long to feel his arms around you, you miss the smell of his skin, the taste of his lips
and the way he used to say your name as he looked lovingly at you. All of that has disappeared since the break up and now all you feel is hollow, alone and terrified that you may never find happiness again.
If you’re like I was, you struggle with finding the right words to text him, so you either put your phone away or sent a simple, “hi”. The worst feeling in the world is when he doesn’t respond. When your phone doesn’t indicate a new text from your ex for an hour, then a day, and then a week.
That pain you felt before is now tenfold and on top of that you feel foolish, and angry that he just ignored you so easily.
I know that all you want in this world is for him to come running back, telling you that he can’t possibly spend another day without you. It’s what I felt too.
Michael Fiore is my break up hero and he should be yours too. He’s the man who developed a system of text messages that cuts to the emotional core of a man and makes him literally crave his ex girlfriend again.
If a woman sends the right text message that awakens the deep feelings her ex boyfriend still has for her, he won’t be able to resist her. Men put this boundary around their feelings after a break up and only certain triggers can pull those emotions back into the light. Michael Fiore explains how you can accomplish all of this with a series of very specific text messages.
If you send your ex boyfriend the text messages suggested by Michael Fiore, in the sequence he prescribes, the dynamic between you two will suddenly change. It’s hauntingly effective and incredibly simple and the best part is that you can’t say or do the wrong thing because you’re following a proven blueprint.
Michael has a video posted that goes into much more detail about all this. You can watch it here.
I need to advise you though that these techniques are very effective so please consider carefully whether you truly do want him back before you venture on this path.
Again, the video that explains how to use text messages to win him back is here.
Other Tools for You
Helpful Relationship Resources for Women
Text the Romance Back Find out how to use text messages to make him melt. This is really the communication course every woman should read. You can change the dynamic of your relationship with your man in an instant just by sending him the right text message.
Rousing the Lion Ever wondered if there was any truth in the idea of hypnotizing someone so they’d fall in love with you? Find out exactly how to do it in this very popular program. Many women swear it has worked wonders in their relationship.
Get Him to Adore You Learn how to get any man to utterly and completely adore you. Every woman has the ability to do this. Find out exactly how to do it.
Get Your Boyfriend Back Advice
Gillian’s Weekly Tip on Getting Him Back
May 1, 2012- It’s incredibly tempting to talk to a mutual friend about the break up with the hope that he or she will go rushing back to your ex boyfriend to share how you feel. It seems like a great plan to get your ex’s attention, doesn’t it? All you have to do is tell the mutual friend that you can’t live without your ex boyfriend, explain in detail how much you truly love him and how you’ve changed. On paper it sounds like a masterful plan but in reality it’s a great way to push your boyfriend away, not pull him back to you. Men are generally very protective of their feelings and when a break up occurs, they want to work through it on their own. They don’t want to hear a friend tell them all about what their ex is feeling. When this happens a man tends to feel emotionally exposed and vulnerable and he’ll run away from the broken relationship for good. If you have to confide in a friend do it with someone who has absolutely no ties to your ex boyfriend. You don’t want to use anyone as a pawn in your quest to get him back. Doing that will ensure that you’ll lose the man you love for good.
hey there… i was attracted to what you wrote… coz thats what is happening with me!!
i really would like you to help me getting back my boyfrnd i would love to contact you buy emails “if you can” or “if its available
btw.. everything you wrote is more than 100% right!! i was shocked coz thats EXACTLY what is happening with me
plz comment or send me an email thnx
i really need your help =”"S
if you answerd me how can i read your comment??
Hi Raika – I’m sorry to hear about your boyfriend and you breaking up. Let me know what kind of advice I can offer. If you’re intent on getting him back – you can make it happen.
i’m going through a break-up and he switched his phone i can’t get reach of him i emailed him and he is no responding it’s been nearly two weeks now i really want to win him back and i don’t know what to do. please advice me.
thanks.
Hi Malak – Right now he needs his space. You absolutely have to give him that. He’s expecting you to chase after him, so stop it. Disappear for a bit. Let him start to wonder where you are. Good luck.
We recently split and then he moved 1800 miles away. I am 5 months pregnant with his child. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me any more, even with the baby. He says he’ll be there for his son, but not for me. I am madly in love with this man. We had plans for me to move out to be with him after baby was born. We were trying to make a long distance relationship work for the meantime, but one day he just decided to stop. I love this man with my heart and soul, but he tells me not to talk to him unless it has to do with baby. He isn’t even going to be there for the birth, or any time soon after.
We split because of trust issues and my job. We worked opposite shifts, and wouldn’t you know it, when he moved my hours changed. He said I have a lot to prove to him; that I wasn’t the woman he needed me to be. I am now but have no way to prove it.
How do I win his love from 1800 miles away?
I was in a relationship and two years after i got pregnant and he broked up with me when i was six months .It has to do with trust . He said he will be there for his son only and few months after , the baby was born he found a place on his own , four months after he came back home but nothing happend. We live together and it has been 3 years since we splitted in the same house.I love him so much and have tried to get him back by begging ,crying etc. He had several relationships of which i know of and i got mad and said horrible things to him . He said he don’t want to see my face and he don’t eat my food . At this point i don’t know what to do? I am still in love with him but at same time i really don’t want this situation. When i think of our son and how he will feel without daddy . Its hard to live with him and see him everyday without talking or hug him. Please advice me on how how to win his love back.
Hi Malak – Right now he needs his space. You absolutely have to give him that. He’s expecting you to chase after him, so stop it. Disappear for a bit. Let him start to wonder where you are. Good luck.
I was in a relationship and two years after i got pregnant and he broked up with me when i was six months .It has to do with trust . He said he will be there for his son only and few months after , the baby was born he found a place on his own , four months after he came back home but nothing happend. We live together and it has been 3 years since we splitted in the same house.I love him so much and have tried to get him back by begging ,crying etc. He had several relationships of which i know of and i got mad and said horrible things to him . He said he don’t want to see my face and he don’t eat my food . At this point i don’t know what to do? I am still in love with him but at same time i really don’t want this situation. When i think of our son and how he will feel without daddy . Its hard to live with him and see him everyday without talking or hug him. Please advice me on how how to win his love back.
hii, i am in the same situation. he broke up with me because he said that he wasnt ready for a relationship and doesnt want a girlfriend for the moment. BUT the day after he found someone new and now has a new girlfriend. WTH? lol i dont understand. im sad, im still in love with him. can u give me advice? can he still come back to me? its kinda hard to believe that.
My ex and I have split for 2yrs and 2wks ago he txt me to say he has been thinking about us and has been think about everything . What does this mean? He said he knows he messed up things again and asked me to give him some time to get his head straight. I just told him ok let me know when you want to talk but im confused cause its been 2wks and nothing. I think he still has a girlfriend but then what the heck does he want with me then. Did he mean it? is a ploy to see if I fall for him asap? I love him but I dont think I can trust him. What should I do/ Should I trust him? How do I act?
i just broke up with my ex-boyfriend cuz he told me he needs to focus on work, and he has alot family things going on in his life. He doesn’t have the enery to put on both me and and work. So he choose to have a “break” of our relationship. However, at one point he still want to be friends with me, like sometime we can go out for dinner, or hangout. He said he’ll be there for me if I need him for anything. We started the break 2 weeks ago, and he texted me last Wednesday invited me to his birthday party with his family. I refused but we hung out that night and we hooked up after. I slept over his house, and spent the day after with him at his house like how we used to. I really confused what he wants, does he just want to keep me around for sex? I know he still have the feeling for me, but I just don’t know get him back. So, I decided to tell him that don’t contact with me because I need to cut my feeling to him, in order to move on. He said understand that, so he said if that’s how I really it, then it’s what we’ll do. I really need help for this situation, please help me out and I really want him back. thanks!
hey guys my boy friend is fighting with em we were toghether 6 months and now its turned he was palnning a trip to see me in fla i want to stay withhim they dont ahve money he lives with his mom. an y ad vice on waht i can do????????????? im 42 hes 31 i want to stay with him hes told me that hes gonan dis connect teh phone ect waht can i do every time he and i fight i just want to make up and make it be like it was be fore we fought so mmuch what can i do?????? ilove d him so much for 6 months
what if you already brake the rules on how to win him back? and he already told you to stop calling him,that he has someone new already,is there any chance you can have his heart back?
hi, i love this page
i’m in a confused situation my ex broke up with me because he loved another girl and while we were going out he were going out with her too,, we’r still really good friends but everytime we meet up he always gets flirty with me and we end up snogging n stuff am very confused and dont know what to do i really do want him back :’(
My ex was a boyfriend in Junior High that I had not seen in 40 years I found him on facebook I had looked for him forever. H e was my first love and we started talking over the e-mail he gave me his phone number right away. I waited to call him becacause I was still married but wanting out for years. I finally called him it was wonderful we connected right away. I did not tell him I was leaving my husband just yet. He had said he was not married but had been in this relatioship with a women a few years older than him for 40 years he lives in Hawaii and she sees him once a year. They had lived with each other for 7 years along time ago but she cheated on him with his friend so he did not talk to her or 5 yrs. After him calling and then e-maling me I decided to tell him threw e-mail that I had been in love with him forever. H e wrote back and said that he had been haunted by my beautiful eyes and could never figure out why I broke up with him. He said he was sitting on his office floor and then he was ten feet off the ground rom the great news. We met ad he said he was over his old girlfriend and gave me a bracelet that said sweetheart i hawiian and flowers the nexday he said he had a great time. We had a date but he got sick. He called everyday to let me know his progress and I offered to take him some soup to his sisters he said he was not a happy sick person and that he could take care of himself and not in a nice way. Anyway he said he thought he would feel better the next day.He said he was still not better. I had known that he was going out of town with his two older sisters for two days he never called me one time and we were suppose to go out that Saturday it was now 9:30 the night before our date I had a couple of drinks waitig for him to call when he nver did I left a message that told him I was not going to but up with this kind of crap it was disrespectful and when I decided to erase the message my battery whent dead and it went threw. H e e-mailed me and told me he did not think that he had to check i with me and that he thought I was acting insecure and that he was going out of town to see his friends for a couple of weeks and I needed to reflect on what I had said and he would contact me. I waited until the next day and I told him off in a nice way i and e-mail and I told him he was te oe that had been calling me night and day and that I wanted to talk on the phone now and not e-mail so he did call and he said he was feeling very freked out about his old girlfriend thath he had just days before thanked me for helping him move on from her because se trated him poorley all of the time. Anyway when he called me he said he had to call his shrink because he was confused. It was another short conversation he said he would call me i the morning but I went home and sent him a e-mail when he called the nextday I told him to read it when he got back to his room. He bever called again. I told him he needed to listen to his heart and not other people. He had asked me to come stay in Hawaii before getting here and that he was in love and that he had told everyone in Maui about me and since he had been alone for so long he was so happy everyone could see how he had changed. I know the women was begging him to get back and I believe she talked him into it because she did not care about him until she found out about me. I made a few mistakes and sending about 4 e-mails and I sent him his birthday card and xmas cards I had already bout ad a relationship book and and it also tought yoga and other things since he had been a accident a while ago his dr. said do yoga I mailed it. Since he never called to say h got it I sent a e-mail get out of jail free he responed that he did not like had rushed our date since he is on meds and could not remember I told him I wanted to wait until the next day because he was tired he also said I was arrougant and that he thought that I had wore out my welcome he wwas insisting on leavig he did not like the resturant and since he was late the waitress and I were laughing about how exciting the date was going to be. So I e-mailed him back and told him what had really taken place was he was rude to the next waitress and told her her place was in the kitchen by than he ahd 4 drinks I think we were both very nervous. He e-mailed back after that and said he would call in a couple of weeks and i the mean time he said he was still sick I told hi to get better her said thank you dear. I wished him a happy valentine he did not repond, What should I do now? I He did thank me for his birthday present and cards in the last e-mail. He said before that I had the it factor in school so knowing that I don’t want to look like a fool anymore I need advise it’s been 40 years since I last dated?
I know I should forget him but I am still in love with him we would talk on phone for 3 hours every night and laugh and talk about our furture and we had everything in common. He would say his old girlfriend just bored him with her problems about going shopping and things that he did not careabout but would never care how he was.What now?
My boyfriend treats me very coldly recently, I chose to talk to him about our issues but he don’t seemed to be interested and bothered with what’s going on, he have stopped giving into our relationship and kept picking on me. He keeps drinking almost every night. Not wanting to let me know where he is and who he is with. What should I do? Pls help thanks
heyy, my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere 3 weeks ago, everything was great but he said that he felt that ”I liked him more than he liked me” and he prefers me as a friend, this really confused me cos i gave him all the space he needed in the relationship and it was him who would constantly invite me over and want to spend time with me. I know that he is attracted to me and still wants to spend time with me, he told me when he broke up with me that he still wants to be the one to make everything ok, but he didnt want to be my boyfriend. I want him back so much, I just have no idea what to do from here…? he’s playing an acoustic gig at a pub tomorrow night and asked me to go, since I started dating him I’ve been going to his gigs, but I dont think he misses me as his girlfriend. should I not go to his gig and let him contact me? as im always the one to talk or text first.
please help! thank youuu
please help me:
my boyfriend want to break up with me he saw my picture in a very bad website of chat and i realy dont know nothing about this picture or this website ,i realy did a lotof bad things to him and he never did any thing wrong to me.now he said that im a bad girl and he want to break up with me he said we have to be just friends no more thatn that .please hepl meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:(
You can certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write. The sector hopes for even more passionate writers like you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe. Always follow your heart.
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So glad to hear that. Thanks so much! Gillian
I’ve heard so much about love spells – so interesting to hear your experience. I hope it continues to work out well for you. Best of luck, Gillian.
Great advice. Thanks for visiting. Gillian
I was with my boy friend for almost 7 months and he told me he wedged time to think. I gave him 2 weeks and heard nothing from him before I ran into him and he told me his feelings for me hadnt changed for the better or worse. It been almost 2 weeks since I ran into him and he has made no attempt to contact me. And I haven’t contacted him either. What do I do????
Hi Mary – I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling with a break up. It can be SO hard not to break down and call your ex boyfriend up. I want to commend you on not doing that to this point. Sadly, you’re just at the beginning stages of no contact and depending on your ex, it can take weeks for him to reach out to you. My best advice is to stay strong, focused and avoid him for at least another two weeks. Give the man some time to really miss you and to start to wonder what’s become of you. Once he does start to panic and realize he doesn’t want to lose you, all this emotional pain you’re in now will be well worth it.
Help!
I love your article, and have been looking into the “text your ex back” but I am a broke college student that doesn’t even have $10 right now. And I don’t know what to do!
—–
Two week before we broke up we had a huge fight because we had only spent one hour together alone since school started and he promised he’d come over after lunch. He said he had to run to the restroom real fast then be by my room, I waited and waited then decided to get online. I get online and hes on facebook, wanting to chat there. I got POed because he had promised (another thing he doesnt like is I accuse him of breaking promises all the time – wouldnt have to accuse if he didnt! He says he never does) So that led to a HORRIBLE and I mean HORRIBLE fight which ended in him going to him room for 4 hours and not speaking to nobody, just thinking.
We never spoke about it, we never took time to talk it out or work one it. Ive said sorry a million times but it doesnt help.
Thats the day everything fell apart. I ruined it because I got so mad at him all the time.
I hate myself for it. I want another chance to make it right. I have looked our relationship over backwards, frontwards, sideways, up and down, so many times I cannot count.
On September 24th I was in his dorm along with the 3 other girls that are the girlfriends of his three roommates, they were all staying the night but he wouldnt let me. I got mad and left. He was still mad at me the next say so I wanted to talk about it but he wouldnt, We fought again I said “its like you dont even care.” He said “maybe I dont” then told me “I dont think I love you anymore.” He “contemplated” for a week about it and then on October 2nd we had a 5 hour talk where he said “let me be single.” and stuff.
Two years ago on Halloween I started dating this wonderful guy, hes so amazing, I fell in love with him the moment I met him – literally.
Well in March of this year he went to my parents and requested the ring my great aunt had given me so used as an engagement ring and had planned to give it to me yesterday, November 12th.
However, he gave it back to me on the 23rd of Sep. instead, saying “Do you want this back, for now?”
And proceeded to break up with me because he doesn’t love me anymore.
Now he says he doesn’t think he ever loved me, even though he always told me he did.
He says he just wants to be single, be himself, not be with anybody. And just wants to be my friend.
I can’t do this friends thing, I want to be with him. I love him even more than I love my family.
We went from planning a wedding, to nothing.
And he kept saying “maybe one day we’ll get back together.”
and its so confusing because one min. hes pulling me forward, the next pushing me back.
I thought we were making baby steps towards maybe getting back together (though I was gonna hopefully wait till like Feb. and give him time for himself)
But apparently what I see as him flirting he doesn’t and he said the baby steps I see aren’t what he sees, he told me tonight he’s baby stepping towards friendship not relationship.
But then he turns around and says “Not saying that we wont ever get back together, I don’t know”
He flip flops like this all the time.
Like “I dont think I will ever be able to love you, I might in the future, but I don’t know.”
And Im like “well I dont have much time left, I have 6 months until graduation” the he says things like “stop putting a time limit on it.”
I tried the “friends” thing for a month – after the break up we didnt talk for a week then we started talking again. But I did do the whole begging things a couple of times. And then on Nov. 13th we had a fight, I gave him the option lastnight
“either work towards getting back together or I’m gone, out of your life, forever.”
And he said “well, since you’re giving me the option, I take number two, for now.”
But then he freakin turns around and says “number one might come later.”
he says he “cant commit to things like relationships, only friends and family”
he said its a “personality thing” but refused to tell me what was wrong with my personality, said he “didnt know”
I didnt talk to him for that whole week, he talked to me a bit on the 18th of Nov. and thats the last we’ve spoken.(He hasnt tried to contact me, but he does give me a sad look sometimes when he sees me) Ive taken to dressing better and trying to focus on homework and hobbies instead of him. But I still cry everyday, and I love him so much.
What can I do to get him back? I feel like he is the one for me, but I’m at a loss!
ps. we fought a lot because I felt like I had to compete with his friend/roommate for his time over the last year. (or well since Nov. 2010)
Hi Lynn – I am so sorry to hear that you’re dealing with such a difficult situation. You’re doing everything just as you should. I understand that you feel lost right now and you’re emotional because all you want is to get him back as soon as possible. That’s not in the cards. Men don’t move through the process of a break up the same way we do. It takes them much longer to process what they’re feeling. He may believe that he doesn’t want you in his life right now, but once he has a true sense of that, he’ll change his mind. You really must do your best to remain focused on yourself. I was glad to read that you’re putting more time into homework and hobbies. Continue to do that. Don’t allow yourself to get caught in the trap of devoting all of your time and emotional energy into thinking about him. The less you focus on him, the more he’ll focus on you. It may not feel like that right now, but right now your ex knows that you still want him so he holds the cards. If you appear not to want him, the control shifts back to you. Stay on the course of being self focused for now. It’s truly the best thing you can do. Best of luck, Gillian.
Thank you for the response! I am trying my best, its just so hard. For awhile there I was crying several hours a day, its been a bit better here lately, still cry at least once a day though. But I am trying to keep myself distracted and I have distanced myself from him, working on becoming “me.” I read somewhere that it could take three weeks, however I think with him it might be longer, several months.
So I am just trying to be as positive as I can in the meantime.
Thank you!
My ex walked out on me 8wks ago 2wks before I gave birth to our beautiful daughter the day after I gave birth my baby was taken off me because the local authority felt I could not cope on my own without the support of my ex I feel so very low and miss my ex so very much I have loved him since I was 11yrs old I am now 38 I want my my daughter and ex back so much I can’t even get im touch with him anymore he has changed his mobile number so I have no way of contacting him at all
Dear Elaine – I am so sorry to hear that you’ve had to deal with something so traumatic. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I’m sorry that circumstances have worked against you and that you now find yourself alone. I’m wondering if there’s someone you can contact, be it a mutual friend or your ex boyfriend’s former employer – who may know how to get in touch with him now. Wishing you luck in your journey forward. Gillian.
Hi Gillian,
I hope you still reply to questions.
I have been in a long distance relationship with my ex for 2 years. We broke up 7 months ago and kept contact, it always ended in fights, me bringing up things I was mad at during the relationship. I tried to move on a month ago and had sex with a random guy and made the mistake of telling this to my ex. I think he go jealous but didn’t show it. He suggested to visit him for 3 months and that he would pay for the plane ticket, but that he isn’t trying to bring us back together and just wants to hang out. That he wishes me good luck with the new guy or whoever it will be. I got furious over that and accused him of playing with my feelings, trying to hurt me and so on. After this he got so mad that he wrote me a mail that he can’t believe how much I used guilt as a tool to control him. He told me that he wants me out of his life, that he will filter mails, not respond to texts or calls. I continued to call and text and mail him. His friend contacted me and asked me for a pullover he gifted me and told me that he is dating her cousin now. I got so furious that I called him and screamed at him. He thought I would have contacted his friend, to stalk him and to harass him, called me an emotional abuser, threatened me to call the police if I don’t stop, called me a crazy psycho (he knows I am depressive). I managed to prove him that she contacted me and not the other way around. Turns out he just told her that he was bumped about not getting his xbox back and she wanted to do him a favor and contact me, without him asking her to do so. Afterwards I apologized and wanted to send him his stuff back. He said that doesn’t need long apologies, everything that was in the past is forgiven, that I don’t have to ship him his stuff, that I should worry about myself before worrying about anyone else. He told me that he wants me to be well and do well, that I should stay awesome and take care of myself. Next day I came online on chat, he went off and blocked me there too. I wrote him from a new mail address, promised to change and asked him to send me our chat log so that I can go to a therapist and tell him what really happened without distorting and twisting the past (what he always accused me of doing). He replied (which i didnt expect anymore) that he is busy with work and that I should give him a few days. No reply after 3 days. I wrote him that he should take his time and that I am busy myself too right now. The next day I wrote him “why don’t you understand how much I love, what do you want me to do to prove this to you?” (yes I realize now how desperate and pathetic it sounds). The next morning I apologized for writing this, saying I was emotional after thinking of him and his new girlfriend having sex. (Did this a few minutes ago and now I could slap myself for this). So what the hell should I do now? I don’t think there is a way to mess things up even more than I did.
hi
i have break up with my boy friend about 2years for now
i love him so much i need him to get back to me again but i think i miss the think up the first time i have been fitting with him and then you know the begging and caring he do not give me the feeling that was before there is a new woman in his life he left me for her she is not the right one for him i know that he was too kind and loving with my i do not know why he did change after all that mass and the wrong attitude can i win his heart again ???
could u help me please
it happens to talk with me at yahoo messenger once a week just asking how i do and i told him i miss him and i do not forget him after i read the articles in your web site i realized that he want toMake sure if i forget him or not what should i do in that situation
Anna – I have been in your shoes. Seriously, I have chased a man down relentlessly after a break up and regretted my actions as soon as I’d done them. I know exactly how you feel. It’s such a tough situation but I want you to remember a few things. Rebound relationships rarely pan out. Whatever he has going on with this new girl likely isn’t going to last long at all. Embrace the promise in that, it will help. Also, even though you regret contacting him a few days ago, that doesn’t mean that you can’t set out on a new course now. I know that you likely have already heard endless advice that is focused on no contact. But that’s because it works! When my boyfriend dumped me, I went so far as to send him a gift – a very expensive gift (a signed first edition book that he desperately wanted.) I also sent him emails, hand written letters and called continuously. My entire life was focused on him. Then I realized that he was dating someone else. It was so hard. I became even more unhinged and tried to talk with him more and more. One day I was so emotionally exhausted that I just gave up. I knew about no contact and saw it as a last resort. It was hard but I stuck through it. As each day passed it actually got much easier and soon it was a week and then a month. He finally contacted me – he missed me. The moment I stopped chasing him, he started to wonder where I’d gone to. You see, Anna, right now your ex boyfriend has no doubt about how you feel. You’re a “back up plan” to him. He knows he can come back if his new relationship doesn’t work. He knows you’re desperate and that’s why he won’t come back. Please try your best to avoid contacting him for the next couple of weeks. I know it’s hard but see it as a day to day venture. I promise you’ll feel better for it. In life and love, Gillian
Liliana, I’m sorry you have to struggle through this. My first piece of advice is not to tell him you miss him anymore. The fact that he still converses with you on Yahoo Messenger shows that he’s still thinking about you and wants to be in touch. In your case I’d suggest that you hold back a bit more and make him wonder what’s going on with you. You should also be the one to end the messenger conversation first saying you have plans and need to go. Don’t make up any pretend plans just say simply that you’re busy and you hope to talk soon. Also, don’t ask about his dating life. Anytime you do that you’re showing him that you’re still interested and waiting for him to take you back. A woman can regain a man’s attention by showing she’s disinterested. Give it a try and you’ll see what I mean. Wishing you the best. In life and love, Gillian
hi… me n ma bf broke up.. he doesnt talk 2 me. we are in same clg. he shows like m nthing to him. it seems he doesnt care 4 me. it passed 1mnth he didnt try to cntact id me. i love him so much. i want him back in my lyf.
Hi Rabia – You’re being strong and that’s what you need to continue to do. I know that one month feels like an eternity when you’re waiting for an ex to contact you, but it’s not. Every man processes a break up on his own schedule. Continue living your own life and let him be. As long as you stay focused and give him space, he’ll eventually start to see that you’re not chasing after him. If you haven’t heard from him at all 4 weeks from now, send him a text just saying, “hi, how are you?” Let me know how it goes. In life and love, Gillian
i called him on 6th feb he didnt recve ma cl n i texted him many tyms bt he didnt rply.. after 6th i didnt cl or msg him. he enjoys vid his frnds.. it seems he doesnt want to tlk to me. when he talked 2 me last tym he said i need space n i dont love u anymore.. he said ma parents came 2 knw abt our reltn n at d same tym he said m nt happy vid our reltn. bt we nvr had any fight b/w us. he suddenly stopped talking 2 me. it hurts me a lot when i use 2 see him laughing vid his frnds. he is enjoying his lyf as before.. ma frnd sent hm msg dat she is crying 4 u bt he didnt rply anythng. he didnt evn wish me on valentines. i knw he would nt respond to ma msg.. wht else should i do to make him realize dat i luv him so much.. i just wish he comes back to ma lyf soon. its realy hard to live w/t him.
Hello, I hope you can be of some comfort to me. My now ex boyfriend is really busy and stressed out with school and work and I know I wasn’t making things any easier on him. I was clingy and jealous and didn’t trust him even though he never gave me a reason not to. I pulled him too close and it pushed him away. He said he wanted to make things work and he wanted to be with me forever and he loves me more than I know. Everything was going great for a week after we had that discussion then I looked through his phone and told him about it because I felt terrible. He got so angry with me and wouldn’t talk to me. After 2 weeks I went to his house and confronted him. He broke up with me and said that he’s happy now and that I can’t say anything to change his mind and I’m not the one.Its been a few days since then and i’m obviously doing no contact. I have no choice.We were best friends and he always said he loves me and wants to marry me…how can that change? Is this hopeless? Is there anything I can do? I truly feel like I lost my soul mate and that I am perfect for him and he is for me.
Hi Erin – I can sense that you’re in a great deal of emotional pain right now and that’s completely understandable. You’re doing the right thing by enforcing the no contact rule. Men and women just don’t process a break up in the same way. The longing that you’re feeling now hasn’t entered your ex boyfriend’s emotional mix yet. He’s probably still stuck on the anger and the frustration that led him to break up with you. My best suggestion is to continue no contact but not to continue focusing solely on your ex. You need to start taking care of you. There’s nothing wrong with going out and having fun – you should be doing that. You need to be moving forward with your life with or without your ex boyfriend. If you do this it’s going to make him realize that you’re capable of living without him. Once a man sees that in his ex, it makes him crazy – he wants her back just because she no longer needs him. Give this time. Let him work on what he’s feeling without any influence from you. I know it’s hard – but distance really is your best ally right now. In life and love, Gillian
Hi
My name is jem Let me give you a short information about me and my x boyfriend We are working in the same hotel i have a boyfriend and we broke up then he came to my life.. he start to court me and make a lot of things for me to fall in love with him.. then it worked Oct. 07 2011 we are officially together and from the moment i am so much happy and i could asked for anything more.. we love each other so much..and he asked me to get married fast but i said lets take easy.. then we a have a lot of happy memories, and sad moment too.. we usually argue because i always mentioning my x and his x.. which i know its stupid thing to do.. but we still fixed it somehow.. i really feel how much he love me and i did everything for him to love me more than before.. i show him how much i care.. then he decided to move to another company 30 minutes away from my work place becuase he said its for our future..and we have a lot of plan how to make our relationshiip work…but in the night of 04th of March. we fought again with the same thing. and i know its my fault this time.. always mentioning her x.. whenever i get a chance. from then things suddenly changed 07th of March is his first day in his new job and new place.. he didnt call that much or sending me message.. and whenever we chat online i saw in his eyes that his sad.. till i asked him the reason and he said that he feel its not the same anymore.. every day i was crying because i could accept that he start to fell out of love to me.. and he changed a lot. then 10th of March we talked on facebook and he broke up with he said he realized that we are not meant to be. .he asked me to his friends .. from then i was too devastated.. i did not beg for him.. i accept is decision but deep inside my heart its really hurt me.. i love him so much and the moment i known him i know already that he is the man i want to spend my whole life with.. and cannot believe that how much he love me before now is gone in a shortest period of time.. i always search to internet to help me to get him back because our retionship is really amazing and happy being with him.. i know that its sound for me too desperate but i dont care coz i love him.. with all my heart. then on the 20th of March 2012 he gave back my things and say goodbye.. until now i did not call him and beg for him.. i just pretending that im happy and accept the break up. Please help me as you did to other how to get him back.. Kindly advice also if it is good to delete him in my facebook.. could help me to win him back.. and also his birthday is near should i greet him?.
thank you..
Hi Jem – I can tell, just by the emotion in what you’ve written, that you adore and love this man. You’re going through a very difficult time emotionally and I want to applaud you for how well you’ve handled things to this point. One very good sign that he still cares deeply for you is the fact that he wants you two to remain friends. That means that your ex boyfriend feels the need to still stay emotionally connected with you on some level – that’s very important and isn’t something that you should discount. It means he wants to retain a relationship with you. At this point I would recommend un-friending him on facebook since he took the step of saying goodbye. Part of a break up right now is facebook and dealing with the friendship on there. Also, as hard as it might be, not acknowledging your ex boyfriend’s birthday can be very powerful. He’s make it clear – by returning your things – that in his mind, the relationship is over, so don’t wish him well on his birthday. Your resolve to not beg for him to come back is admirable. Keep that up. If you can appear to be okay and moving forward with your life, he’s going to start thinking about the possibility of you moving on without him and that’s when he’ll really reconsider the break up and what a permanent split could mean to his life. Stay strong. In life and love, Gillian
Hi thank you for answering me.. however i really love him.. i want to win him back.. as we are before.. and i heard now that he chasing to another girl which is his co worker in the same company… What you can advice to me for him to realize the things and effort i did when we are together.. he told me that what i am doing to him is great.. taking care for him,, cooking for him.. but the only thing make it changed is when i arguing with our stupid x.even we dont have anymore communication to them..i bought even this Matt Houstuon bring him back forever.. .we are just 5 months togethere but the months for me is really amazing.. and i am so happy both happy. but things suddenly changed. we still friends in facebook however were not talking even i see him online.. he is not posting also anything about how he feel.. and me i only posting that i am happy. and some picture that i happy going anywhere.as advice of Matt houston.. do you think there is still a possibility that he will come back to me and remember how much he love me before.. you couldnt imagine how much he love me before.. so much thats why i could expect that he will do it to me.. Pls. help me.
Hi Jema – There is a very good possibility that this man will indeed come back to you. As you’ve explained, he loved you very deeply at one point and love to that degree doesn’t typically just disappear. Emotions are very fluid and can change on a daily basis. Your ex boyfriend may feel strongly today that he doesn’t want you back, but once more time has passed and he realizes the void that is left in his life by your absence, his entire outlook may change. Recently, I received an email from a woman whose boyfriend had dumped her (cruelly by email) several months ago. She struggled so much and finally, after several months, was able to stop contacting him. She immersed herself in a new job, got busy helping friends and was finally finding her happiness again. One day, completely unexpected, her ex boyfriend sent her text message saying how much he missed her and would it be possible for them to talk. They are back together, and happier than ever. In that case, it simply took time. You must give this time. I know it’s very hard but if you allow your ex boyfriend to live his life without you, he’ll soon feel that emotional gap that only you can fill. Stay strong. In life and love, Gillian
HI- but how about the new girl in his life now..expecially we are not walking together anymore and he dont that much of memories with me now.. the hardest part from me to forget him for a while is all our memories is with me coz before we are working in the same company now im alone, every corner of my workplace it reminds me of him.. on 1st of April the bday of my x.. i will follow your advice not to greet him.. and on that day i will be unfriend him on my facebook.. coz im so pathetic..looking his facebook everyday.. but then again how about the advice of Matt Houston not to delete him in my facebook to see that i am happy living even without him.. im so sorry if i have a lot of question in my mind.. since i always search in the internet what to do and i read a lot of different ideas.. some telling if i want him to win in back i should not delete him. in facebook some telling i should be totally dissapear in his life… and now it been 20 days that we apart.. and no contact.. i dont know anymore what his doing since his not posting anything in his facebook and as you said.. he gave my things already..its mean its really over. pls help me..
HI- but how about the new girl in his life now..expecially we are not walking together anymore and he dont that much of memories with me now.. the hardest part from me to forget him for a while is all our memories is with me coz before we are working in the same company now im alone, every corner of my workplace it reminds me of him.. on 1st of April the bday of my x.. i will follow your advice not to greet him.. and on that day i will be unfriend him on my facebook.. coz im so pathetic..looking his facebook everyday.. but then again how about the advice of Matt Houston not to delete him in my facebook to see that i am happy living even without him.. im so sorry if i have a lot of question in my mind.. since i always search in the internet what to do and i read a lot of different ideas.. some telling if i want him to win in back i should not delete him. in facebook some telling i should be totally dissapear in his life… and now it been 20 days that we apart.. and no contact.. i dont know anymore what his doing since his not posting anything in his facebook and as you said.. he gave my things already..its mean its really over. pls help me…i dont want to loose hope that one day he will come back to me.. but i know also how hard to wait for something that maybe it wont be happen anymore..
Hi Jema – You’re doing the right thing. The problem with no contact is that it can take weeks before you start seeing any results. Every man is different and your ex boyfriend may still be sorting through all of his feelings in relation to the break up. The universe has a funny way of giving us what we want if we believe it will happen. You have to have faith that your ex boyfriend is going to realize what he lost – he will but he has to do it on his own schedule and at his own pace. I know it’s incredibly hard not to hear from him and to worry over whether he’s really done with the relationship. The more time that passes during which you two don’t talk, the more time he has to think about what you two used to have and how empty things are for him now.
The thing about the new girl is that it’s very likely that this is a rebound relationship. A new romantic connection can seem wonderful and exciting at first but that woman is going to have flaws as well, and your ex boyfriend won’t take long to notice them. He’ll also reach a point where he’ll begin to compare her to you. Your resolve to be strong is going to impress him and make him long for you again simply because he’ll believe he can’t have you.
Give it a bit more time. Stay strong and try to focus on other things. I’m always here to help.
In life and love,
Gillian
hi – thank you so much for all your support and advices.. I hope you will be with me all the way.. why im waiting for him to come back . if you still have anything that you can advice to me for him to comeback please let me know. all people around of me saying to move on and forget.. but they dont know exactly how happy we are and i am when we are together… i just couldn’t let go easily the future i’ve ever wanted and needed from the start and i dont want to do it. regardless of how long will i wait. But only to you im holding on to my wish that 2nd chance is true and can be happen to us. He is my 3rd boyfriend but all ended on their own decision.. i was dumped for 3 times but i never stop loving.. and believe that one day.. i will have my own happy endings till i met him. but again it happen to me again. when all what i am doing is loving him and taking care for him more than my self…but somehow i know i still have fault.. becuase of my stupidity talking always about our x and i learned from my mistake… if just god will give us another chance to be together and correct all my mistake.. i will not asked for anything more.. now i feel so empty.. trying to make myself happy infront of everybody but my heart is n dying.. and my mind is all about him what ever i do.. Please again help me to give some more tips..im still posting in my fb that i have new inspiration in my work. do you think its right and help it to make him jeolous even little.
hi gillian… 2months passed away but ma ex bf didnt msg or cl me.. m missing him a lot.. i started ignoring him n today he did the same… his best buddy is following ma bestfrnd for 1month.. i dont knw wht he wants.. i got msgs fm unknwn no i think it was ma bf coz texting pattern was d same.. its realy very hard to see him everyday.. i hav deactivated ma fb account just becoz him.. i cannt understand wht should i do..1mnth ago smbody told me dat he made ma fun in his frnds.. i dont knw whether its true or nt.. i dont evn knw whether he is missing me or nt.. plz help me.. wht should i do.. i m very confused n should i reactivate ma fb account??
hi gillian.= you know yesterday my x bf.. give me a call twice but i didnt answer coz i dont know… what to do and what to say.. then i send reply saying hi? only and he replied ” i tot we have a lot to talk about” and just want to congratulate me because he heard that i was promoted.. and he thinks that i deleted his num because of my reply… i just reply thank you.. and he didnt reply anymore .. then in the night i called hm and he answer fast we talk hows everything and my promotions that all.. and we end the conversation. What it does mean.. why he contacted me..? and how do i react..? i dont want still to have hope that he still somehow want me back and i was thinking maybe he called only to congratulate me.. and tomorrow is his birtday shall i greet him or just ignore..:)