Loving an Ex Boyfriend

How I Got My Ex Boyfriend Back

Almost every woman has been faced with the heart ache of a man she loves deciding he wants the relationship to be over. When it happened to me, I felt as though I was watching the only man I loved walking out of my life for good. I couldn’t eat, sleep or even focus on my work. My life came screeching to a halt and all I really wanted was for him to take me back.

It didn’t take long before I found out that he was already seeing someone new. This only made the pain I was feeling worse. I couldn’t understand how he could go from loving me to spending time with a new woman just weeks later. I knew she couldn’t be right for him.  I just didn’t know how to get that point across to him.

I made a huge mistake. I called him. I was emotional, almost hysterical and I begged him to dump her and take me back. He hung up on me more than once and completely ignored all my emails and text messages. I reached a point where I was desperate and tried to enlist the help of friends. I wanted them to talk to him for me. They all told me the same thing – to move on and forget him.

A caring and very honest friend finally told me that I needed to change what I was doing if I wanted any chance with him again. My whole approach, up to that point, consisted of crying, begging and pleading. It wasn’t working and the more time that passed, the more panicked I was becoming.

I decided that it was time for me to get serious about getting him back. I loved him and I wanted him and I wasn’t about to lose him forever to anyone else. It was then that I found a new approach and in no time at all he was the one calling me.

If you are stuck in this same situation and you love an old boyfriend, you can get him back forever and deeper in love with you than he was before. This worked for me. We’re back together and staying that way.

Mistakes to Avoid

What You Should Not Be Doing to Get Him Back

Right after the relationship with my boyfriend ended I felt as though my life was on hold. The only thing I could focus on was him and what went wrong. I played the past few weeks of our relationship, before the break up, over and over again in my mind. I was trying to find an answer to why the split happened. I also couldn’t stop thinking about getting him back. My mind was so consumed by thoughts of him that I let my emotions guide all my actions. I made some horrible mistakes.

Here’s a list of things I did that you need to NOT do if you are trying to get your old boyfriend back:

Waiting for him to call. I was guilty of doing this the first few weeks after the break up with my boyfriend and it was a big mistake. I was so worried that he’d call me at home that I didn’t venture out except to go to work. I actually even called in sick one day for fear of missing his call. Days and days passed with no call. I wasted a lot of time waiting. Don’t do this. Go on with your life and do all your normal activities. Sitting by a phone will not make it ring.

Ask him to explain the break up. If you are feeling a little lost about why the relationship ended, now is not the time to ask him about it. You’re too emotional right after the split and anything he says (or doesn’t say) is going to hurt. He likely won’t even have an answer for you. Don’t put him on the spot by asking why he doesn’t want or love you anymore.

Buy him gifts. This is another mistake that I made. I thought that if I sent him something I knew he wanted, that he’d see the error of his ways and want me back. It didn’t work that way at all. He returned the gift to me. It made me feel even worse.

Making even one mistake can cost you the chance to get him back. There are things you should be doing to get him back -learn what they are right now.

The Other Woman

What to Do if He’s Already Got a New Girlfriend

A break up itself can be devastating if you are still in love with your boyfriend, but if he jumps into a new relationship soon after ending yours, it can make you feel even worse. This is exactly what happened to me and the moment I realized he had moved on, I was certain I could feel my heart breaking inside my chest. I felt sick to my stomach and so sad. I was angry too and it was that anger that made me want to confront him. Not only did I want to ask him how he could be with someone so soon after being with me but I also wanted to tell him that he was making a huge mistake. I didn’t realize at that moment that even if your boyfriend has a new girlfriend, you can still get him back.

If your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend you must handle the situation in a very specific way. If you don’t you’ll risk losing him forever to her or to some other woman.

If it’s at all possible, try your best to avoid being in a situation where you will have to spend time with the two of them together. If you know that he’s going to be at a social function that you are supposed to be at, don’t go. You’ll only be torturing yourself if you have to be face-to-face with him and his new girl.

If you can’t avoid it, you’ll need to be prepared to meet her. This is a tough one but how you handle it will determine your future with the man you love.

Make a promise to yourself before you see him with his new girl that you’ll be cordial and kind. Be polite to her and smile at both of them. Don’t be overly sweet but be sure to give him the impression that you are fine with the situation.

Chat with them briefly and then make a reasonable excuse to leave the conversation. Keep your cool and stay collected.

You want to walk away from the meeting leaving him with the impression that you are fine with him having a new lady in his life.The fact that you don’t get upset, you don’t complain and you are nice will confuse him and make him question what you are feeling for him. This is exactly what you want to happen.

You can control the situation when you are trying to get your boyfriend back, even if he already is interested in someone new. Find out how to do it now.

What to Text Your Ex Boyfriend

I know what you feel like because I was in your shoes at one time. You pull your phone out of your handbag or your pocket, you open your address book... you scroll to your ex boyfriend’s name and you are ever so tempted to send him a text message telling him just how much you miss him.

You want nothing more than to be with him again. You long to feel his arms around you, you miss the smell of his skin, the taste of his lips and the way he used to say your name as he looked lovingly at you. All of that has disappeared since the break up and now all you feel is hollow, alone and terrified that you may never find happiness again.

If you’re like I was, you struggle with finding the right words to text him, so you either put your phone away or sent a simple, text him back“hi”. The worst feeling in the world is when he doesn’t respond. When your phone doesn’t indicate a new text from your ex for an hour, then a day, and then a week.

That pain you felt before is now tenfold and on top of that you feel foolish, and angry that he just ignored you so easily.

I know that all you want in this world is for him to come running back, telling you that he can’t possibly spend another day without you. It’s what I felt too. 

Michael Fiore is my break up hero and he should be yours too. He’s the man who developed a system of text messages that cuts to the emotional core of a man and makes him literally crave his ex girlfriend again.

If a woman sends the right text message that awakens the deep feelings her ex boyfriend still has for her, he won’t be able to resist her. Men put this boundary around their feelings after a break up and only certain triggers can pull those emotions back into the light. Michael Fiore explains how you can accomplish all of this with a series of very specific text messages.

If you send your ex boyfriend the text messages suggested by Michael Fiore, in the sequence he prescribes, the dynamic between you two can suddenly change. It’s hauntingly effective and incredibly simple and the best part is that you can’t say or do the wrong thing because you’re following a proven blueprint.

Michael has a video posted that goes into much more detail about all this. You can watch it here.

Being strong right now may feel impossible, but you will get through this. Relationships have an ebb and a flow to them. You can’t predict the future, but you can take control of your own life.

Again, the video that explains how to use text messages to win him back is here.

Other Tools for You

Helpful Relationship Resources for Women

Text the Romance Back Find out how to use text messages to make him melt. This is really the communication course every woman should read. You can change the dynamic of your relationship with your man in an instant just by sending him the right text message.

Rousing the Lion Ever wondered if there was any truth in the idea of hypnotizing someone so they’d fall in love with you? Find out exactly how to do it in this very popular program. Many women swear it has worked wonders in their relationship.

Get Him to Adore You Learn how to get any man to utterly and completely adore you. Every woman has the ability to do this. Find out exactly how to do it.

*There is a money back guarantee with every product offered on this site.*

Get Your Boyfriend Back Advice

Your Weekly Tip on Getting Him Back

April 27, 2018-  One of the situations that you’re bound to face after a break up is how to respond when your ex boyfriend texts you out of the blue. This is more common than you think and initially you’re going to feel tempted to text him right back telling him that you’ve missed him and wish you two could work things out. Before you do that, take a few minutes to contemplate what is really happening. Quite often a man will miss his ex girlfriend just because he’s lonely. He’s not necessarily wishing they were back together. He’s just alone and feeling that pain causes him to reach out to the woman he was once close to. If that’s you, you’re bound to feel overjoyed and full of hope that he’s been thinking about you. These feelings within a man can be very short lived, that’s why it’s advisable that you wait a bit to text him back. Give it a few hours and then send him a very generic, uncomplicated text. Let him lead the conversation and set the pace but keep your guard up. Remember that you want to rebuild a long lasting, emotionally fulfilling relationship with him, you don’t want to get back into a situation in which he sees you as a temporary fix until the next girl comes along. Stay strong and show him that although you’re interested, you’re not willing to sacrifice your own emotions to fill in the temporary void he’s feeling.

 

 

About admin

Comments

107 Responses to “Loving an Ex Boyfriend”
  1. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Jema – You’re making progress. He called because he misses you! It’s really that plain and simple. My advice regarding your ex boyfriend’s birthday is just to send him a very short “Happy Birthday. Have a great day!” type of message. That way you are acknowledging the day without making too much out of it. I wouldn’t call him to wish him a Happy Birthday, but a written message either via email or text is completely fine. You’re doing everything exactly as you should be to this point with your ex boyfriend. Keep on the same track and keep giving him his space. In life and love, Gillian

  2. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Rabia – All men are very different when it comes to their reaction to no contact. To begin with, yes, you should absolutely reactivate your facebook account. You should also continue ignoring him. Break ups are hard in that so many people think they know what’s going on or they have some insight that we don’t. I wouldn’t listen to it when others say your ex boyfriend is making fun of you. You don’t know if they are just stirring the pot or if they heard it through a friend who heard it from a friend. (Things tend to get very mixed up when they pass from one person to another. ) Your goal is to show your ex boyfriend that your life can be fulfilling, happy and pleasurable without him. Focus on yourself, keep ignoring him and really think about what a wonderful and special woman you are. In life and love, Gillian

  3. jemalyn says:

    Hi gillian.. I send my bf text today and greet him a happy birthday but unfortunately till now he did’nt even reply.. why? why he called me two days back.. and that time i feel little hope and now again like I’m nothing to him.. and feel so sad about it.. i was planning to unfriend him today and not to acknowledge his bday but because of his calls last saturday my mind is changed… and my plan is to ignoring him is gone… :(

  4. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Jema – I understand but don’t give up hope yet. Your ex boyfriend may be trying to figure out exactly the best way to respond to your text wishing him a Happy Birthday. For now I’d suggest that you stop all contact again and leave your facebook as is. Try to busy yourself with other things. The fact that you wished your ex boyfriend a Happy Birthday is going to linger with him. I know it’s hard and it often feels like a roller coaster of emotions but stay strong. In life and love, Gillian

  5. Jema says:

    Hi gillian- you know i start to loose hope.. i dont want yet to think that we will not be together anymore but the feeling i feel now is hopeless.. its been month since we broke up and i follow every advises i get but it seems nothing is clear.. i follow all what Matt HOustan book also nothing is clear.. i feel the more days had pass the more i feel that there no chances..i found out that on his birthday he celebrate it outside i dont if with his friends or special someone. now i im the stage of i dont want to do..i dont know how can i move on if he will not coming back to me . i want to resign to my work or i want to go back to my own country and stay there for good. because now im working in UAE i am not in my own country. Please help me.:(

  6. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Jema – I know it can feel very much like there’s no hope at times. I experienced those very same feelings when I was going through my break up. It’s hard not to think about your ex boyfriend each minute of the day and it’s impossible not to wonder what happened to him. I can tell you that what worked wonders for me was immersing myself in other things. When I stopped thinking so much about him, and started thinking more about other things or people, the pain was much less. Perhaps you can spend more time with your friends or maybe explore the country a bit more. It can take weeks for him to realize that he still cares for you and you need to find other things to fill your time and your mind. It will get better as each day passes. In life and love, Gillian

  7. Jema says:

    HI gillian- I start to get hurt on his posting in facebook. I cannot refuse to open his profile whenever i have time and its like putting a knife in my heart everytime. Last night he posted like this on his wall. “Complications, misunderstading and sickness but my thought wont allow me to sleep ” I really dont know what he mean.. and to whom those words..because first i dont think its for me because there is no more complication & misundersting bet. us coz its over already. Now i have this negative thoughts that maybe its for somebody else. ;( I try to deactivate my facebook this morning but then again i reactivate coz i dont want him to think anything why i need to deactive my account.. Im so sorry gillian if im always the one sending email and question to you. I hope you wont be fed up answering my email. i really thank you for being there always..

  8. HelpfulDiva says:

    Jema – You can write to me as long as you want and I will do my best to help. Facebook is going to continue to cause you heartache. I understand how hard it is not to look at his wall but please, consider taking him out of your newsfeed for now. I know it will be incredibly difficult not to click on his name and have a peek at what’s going on with him but you must make the effort. Your ex boyfriend may very well be posting comments like that just to get your attention and it’s working! If you don’t look at them anymore, they can’t affect you and it will make you stronger. In my opinion, he’s playing games with you and subtly trying to send you messages by using social media. Don’t allow him to control you in that way. You’ll feel lighter and less absorbed in his every move if you just make a promise to yourself that you aren’t going to follow what he’s doing. Try it just for today and see how good it feels. In life and love, Gillian

  9. Jema says:

    Hi – gillian again thank you for your reply. its been 7 days i am not posting anything in my facebook. my last post is on 3rd of April and i post our favorite song which he click the LIKE button. but me i never comment in everything he posted. i just keep silent pretending that i dont care what his posting. since its been 1 month we broke up. Can you pls let me know when it the right time i can communicate with him or sending him a message and pls guide me how and what to say if i will send him a message. i red in some tips on how to get your ex back is to know exactly the right time to communicate with him asking to be friends or what so ever. its is correct to be the 1st one to communicate with him.? or shall i just wait and do nothing.

    Many thanky.. :)

  10. HelpfulDiva says:

    Jema – I am so proud of you! Give yourself a pat on the back for me. You need to just give things a bit more time before you try and communicate with him. Give it another week and then let me know how things are. You may just hear from your ex boyfriend before that. In life and love, Gillian

  11. Jema says:

    Hi- Gillian i will let you know. :) thanks!

  12. Jema says:

    Hi- gillian, I guest it is impossible now that my x will contact me again. and i really feel hopeless.. i dont hear anything to him now maybe he is already move on and done with the break up since 1 months had pass.. i open my facebook this morning and i saw that her sister already unfriend me. the fact that were too close before. I dont know why she unfriend maybe my x ask him to unfriend me. and its hurt really. But me his and my x are still friend i dont know till when. Maybe one day he willl delete me also. Shall i do the same thing shall i inform my sister and my friend to unfriend my x. i really want to communicate with him but i dont know how and what to say. and if he will answer my call if i will call him. and replied to my text just incase i will send him a message. Please guide me..

  13. jemalyn says:

    hi- Gillian .. this morning i was online i FB and suddenly he say hi to me and i say hi we talked for a while.. and he inform me that he is sick.. and suddenly he said that what we had it so fast.. then i only reply ya.. then suddenly his the one who end the conversation also and saying bye.. what it does mean.. why he still communicating with me then the end he will be the one who show not interest talking to me.. what will i do ..

  14. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Jema – It seems to me that things have turned the corner for you and your ex. Just as many women use the no contact rule with their ex boyfriends, men do the very same thing with their ex girlfriends. I can’t be certain, but it seems to me that your ex boyfriend may very well have been trying to use that with you this morning. One major part of the rule is if you do talk – keep the conversation short and end it first. The fact that he was the one that said “hi” to you first is very important. It shows that he was thinking of you. I think you should continue with no reaching out to him. Let him continue to come find you. Emotions are very complicated things and after a break up, that’s even more true. Let him work through what he’s feeling while you do the same. My guess is that soon he’ll be either saying, “hi” online again, or texting or calling you. In life and love, Gillian

  15. jemalyn says:

    hi – Gillian i made a letter for him that i was planning to send it through email one of this day.. it is not needy or pleading letter. its a letter of acceptance that i know its over between us. and i express how did i feel when we broke up. i was planning to deactivate my facebook as well since i feel that he want to post something weather his happy or inlove but he cant do bec. maybe he still thinking about how i feel. im planning to stop all means of communications with him that can help me maybe to move on. i want to change even my mobile no. so that i wont be able to wait that he might call me. What do you think.. do you think what i want to do is right. i still want him to comeback but i guest its seems hopeless.. pls let me know what to do before i will sent the letter. thanks.

  16. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Jema – I understand what you’re feeling. I know it’s tempting to send a letter like that but for now, I honestly believe that you’re better off holding onto it. It’s impossible to know exactly what your ex is feeling or thinking at any given time. He may be considering contacting you to work through things and if you send an email like that – it will cause him to pull back forever. I realize that it feels like an eternity since you two were together but it takes time for a man to work through his feelings. Continue to give him space and if you really are concerned about what he is or isn’t doing on Facebook, remove his as a friend. If he asks why you did it, just say you were cleaning up your friends’ list and since you two aren’t close anymore you thought you’d remove him. Beyond that, hold onto the letter, and continue showing him that you can live without him. In life and love, Gillian

  17. jemalyn says:

    HI-Gillian, because i realize they say loneliness of the man after break up is about 3 to 4 weeks and since more than a month had pass and i feel he really done with the break up and already move on. if he want me back he have chance when his talking to me on FB..or he can call me right.. but its seem he is not interested to me at all.. i don.t feel even that he still somehow love me.. or if i will not send the letter now. i want to try to send him a text message to say that i realize that the break up is really good for both of us and i hope we can manage to be friends.. but im scared maybe he wont reply. Let me know what to say if i will send him a message. by the way This is my personal email add. dyem85@yahoo.com pls. drop me a mail and i will forward to you my letter and let me know what wrong with the letter. I really want to know you more because you’ve been a part of my everyday life even i don’t really know.. You became the source of my strength and believe that there is hope in every situation.

  18. jemalyn says:

    Hi gillian i already deactivated my facebook account. becuase it so hurt already he already posted picture of him and her gf hugging each other.. thank u for all your advices.. maybe its really time for me to move on i hope i can make it…. :(

  19. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Jema – I know you can make it. Don’t lose sight of how special you are. Just because your ex boyfriend has taken up with another girl, it doesn’t discount how remarkable you are. I’ve had several women write to me that have been in your very same position. Months later, they wrote again to say that out of the blue they heard from their ex. Please think about yourself for now. Do some things you really enjoy and hang out more with new friends. And continue to stay strong and away from your ex boyfriend. In life and love, Gillian

  20. jemalyn says:

    HI- Gillian.. Thank you so so so much also.. i hope i can be one of the lucky girl who deserve to have a 2nd chance.. i send him the letter as well..but i did not get any respond.. well its okey whatever reaction he have atlist he know now what i kept inside of me on the day he dumped me. i deactivated my old facebook.. i create new one and i blocked him there.. i chance my mobile no. too now there is now way for him to know about me…and for now i dont want to know anything about me.. one thing i am sure about only at this moment is whatever situation i have now one day everything will be okey.. and i will be happy again as long i have faith in God ryt?.. i will get intouch with you again once i finally move on and happy again..i really really thank you for all your support and advises.. God bless you Gillian..

  21. chille says:

    Hi.

    My husband left me for almost a month now and we have a child. When he left he told me its my attitude which is the problem. Me and his sisters are also not having a good relationship. When itried to asked him to come back and give our relationship a chance – he told me to change my attitude first and approach him once I knew Im ready and changed. What I did was i showed him that Im changing my attitude and even fixed my problemwith her sisters and cousins. Then I approached him and tell him that maybe its time for him to come back home and give our love a chance. He answered that its not just my attitude which is the problem but also the family. Even i fixed the problem, he still doesnt want to come back with us. The problem is everytime hes coming to see the child he is acting that we are one big happy family that nothing is wrong between me and him.We even sleep together and do the stuff of husband and wife. But its killing me everytime he is leaving the house, hes sweetness and the happy conversation that e are having is not the same. he even ignore my messages and calls. even hes not calling to check our son. – and this is really painful. Because what he is showing to me and to my child everytime he is visiting us is giving me hope that he’ll be back soon but when im asking him abt our status he is telling me that we are separated. What should I do now?

  22. seapearl says:

    I have the same situation as you are. We met on facebook. We were in same school but we never met! We were both head over heals online. We chatted 12 hrs a day and in 1 week he he sent me his ticket reservation coming to see me for a serious relationship. he liives 10 hrs away from me. We both told about our fear to love again since we both had a very bad experiences. he is a divorced man with a kid and i was engaged to be married when our break ups happened. There was a big chemistry between us two as soon as we met. But on the 3rd day i showed insecruty of the long distance relationship and he promised me ill never feel alone since we can communicate on the net etc and that he’d come back in 4 months. Then i wanted to know more about him and asked more questions about his divorce and his ex. He showed discomfort talking about it but with good intentions, i told him its ok to tell me.. so he told me more about his divorce and then later than night, he got turned off. The second day he wasnt as happy as he used to be and told me he misses the things he did back home and misses his work. I felt he meant he wasnt having fun with me so i told him i miss work too. Same night i asked him if he’s comfortable with me and he thought i meant to know if i want a relationship with him. i tried to explain to him i feel he’s bothered but he didnt want to listen and told me u keep asking me what if i dont want to make u sad.. u think u know how im feeling but u dont. lets take things slowely i do not want to repeat my old mistake by deciding quickly. i tried to tell him what makes u think im decided already but he wouldnt listen. and after an hour i asked him again, how are you feeling (which to me i meant what is bothering you) so he got angry with me and turned off again.. So i thought he wanted to break up with me but lacked the courage to tell me. so the second morning i texted him that i allowed myself to have some extent of heartful feelings towards him and that when i kissed him it was something very special and precious to me (since he knew i only kiss a person i love) but it got him turned off. Then i told him i wont embarrass him with asking about the reason but he can spend the remaining two days with his friends and family. He then asked me to meet and when we did he told me that i kept reminding him of his ex and i nagged about it and that its not me, its him.. he has a difficult personality and that when he came to see me he didnt tell me that i was the one. that he finds me so sexy and beautiful but he wants someone he can conversate with. (which since i was shocked, at that time i understood from him that my character is like that of the ex and he didnt like me becos im like her).. so i hugged and kissed him and told him im sorry he flew 10 hrs not to come and find what he was looking for.. then i left him in a restuarant.. and went to my car. then he sent me a text saying thank you. i didnt get for what.. then followed me to my car and stared at me.. i asked him what.. he didnt say anything and left. i asked him thank you for what.. he didnt answer so i sent another text and said thank you.. i enjoyed every single moment in ur company.. he then answered. me too. i feel so bad right now i feel that i made u sad. i am sorry beautiful things always happen for a reason. i will miss you so much. Then after 2 days of his arrival back to his home, he put a msg he’s disturbed becos of the jetlag and i found he didnt send me anything like we used to, tho we agreed before i left that wed still be friends. So i got angry and sent him a facebook msg telling him that he misunderstood me, that i never meant to push him to tell me whether we are in a relationship as if i gave my approval and waiting for his. and explained to him with some incidents that happened and clarified how they were to me. then i blamed him for not taking his time to understanding me. I wrote my email with a sense of pride cos i was hurt and i didnt want him to break up with me, i just wanted him to talk honestly on what is making him disturbed so i stop doing it.
    So in reply to this facebook msg he deleted me off facebook, which got me more angry and cried even more. So after 3 days i tried to understand what happened and put myself in his shoes and found out where my mistakes were. So i called him 1 time every 1 week, telling him im so sorry for hurting him and that i didnt mean to but i was just scared of distant relationhip and wanted to know him more before he leaves. i told him forgive me in each of the voice msgs i left him and in each voice msg i asked him if i mean for him a tiny bit lets continue and together. Then after three weeks, i sent him a facebook msg telling him that he asked me to fall for me and he would catch me fall, and when i did he was not there. and i explained to him that i went to his family’s house when he was in my country to give him gifts i had bought for him and for his kid before he came and explain other things too. And after a week, gave him a call and he picked up and told me, that he came to see me to know me more, that he he knew we have different lifstyles, i smoke and hes an athlete. that he knew about the differences but tried to work them out, but i turned him off when i asked about his ex wife and how the divorce happened and then ruined it completely when i told him ill save him the embarrassement and if he wants to stay with his family the remaing two days. That i didnt respect he didnt want to talk about it. That he finds me extremely sexy and he usually takes his time to decide but he thinks its not going to work out and maybe its a wrong decision. that if im every in his country we cant meet just as friends. and then he told me he like me so much that he was aroused all the time. so after two days of that phone call, i sent a facebook msg and i told him if i knew it hurt him , i wouldnt have mentioned it. and that his honesty about it, made me feel more comfortable for him and find out what an honest and family man he is.. that i wanted to tell him the truth about my very bad break up but lacked the courage to tell him. i told him how my ex fiance used me, took my money to spend them on a rich girl friend to impress her and that its hard for me to trust easily tho i would never compare anyone to my ex. and told him that i thought he meant my character was like that of his ex while he meant that i reminded him of her when i asked questions.. and told him thank u for answering my call after 1 month of trying to communicate with u , that i didnt mean to be a stalker but looked like one as i was trying to communicate with him about what went wrong. and informed him its the last time he hears from me and said that i know we both meant well but things no doubt happen for a reason and i resepct his decision
    that msg was just last week. and last saturday i found out accidentaly through facebook, that he put on a relationship with a girl on 29 march.. which was 3 weeks after we broke up. (knowing we were dating for a serious relationship) The things is there was an immense communication with us online. and when we met, there was a sparkling chemistry between us and we were both sensitive to make on another happy that we took things we said or did so seriously and which cuased us to cut it there! My question is, we were so happy for 2 months online, extremely happy for 4 days face to face. 5th day i mention his ex, he gets turned off. 6th day we broke up.. Is it possible that he had feelings for me that’s why he removed me from facebook and whatsapp? Is it possible that he decides to be in a relationship and announce it on facebook on the 29th of march with a woman he added on facebook on 4rth feb? He said he needed time with me so he doesnt make a mistake like his old marriage, how come after 3 weeks, he’s in a relationship to the public? Would this be a rebound ? Would he ever conisder contacting me now that theres’ a nother woman in his life? am i dreaming too much? would a lonely divorced man have feelings towards someone he met online, and then later love her in 5 days for him to cutt me off in a way it shocked me! I mean im sure how head over heals he was for me.. same as i was, online and in person! Its been a month and a half since we met and cut it off which i think both of us were angry when that happened. Im just so confused and sad cos we spoke at length online about what we expect in a family and in life. and online, we were the perfect match. I so dont understand what happened overnight! And i dont understand how strick he was when he told me its not goin gto work out, that he was not hurt or angry! Can u please help me figure out what happened (knowing that his ex suddenly left him, kidnapped his son, filed a divorce and they shared custody for sometime, but since she was not able to support his kid, he gave her money to have his kid with him). Thank you so much for ready this long msg and for helping me figure out what happened to him.

  23. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Seapearl – You’re going through so much right now. I’m sorry that he’s treated you the way he has but I’ve gathered a lot from your note. I think this man is struggling deeply regarding the break up of his marriage. Men and women handle difficult emotional situations in very different ways. What I think is that he’s reeling from the end of his marriage and is now just trying to find his way again. What often happens after the break up of an important relationship is a man will rebound. That may very well be what he’s doing with this other woman and that may be related to not only the end of his marriage but also to the relationship he had with you. I think your focus right now has to be on protecting your own emotions. The fact that he removed you from his facebook suggests that he wants there to be some distance between the two of you. You need to give him that. Please consider the fact that often when a man first divorces he is scared to love again. If he becomes too close to another woman too soon, he may feel cornered and he’ll pull back. This could be what happened with the two of you but I encourage you not to put your life on hold waiting for him. He really should be taking time to get over his marriage before he jumps back into a serious relationship with any woman. From my own experiences, and the experiences of the women I counsel, I can tell you that I highly doubt that his current relationship will last. But before you allow him back into your life and heart think about what’s best for you. In life and love, Gillian

  24. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Chille – Your husband is playing with your emotions right now. The fact that he constantly comes up with reasons for why you two can’t get back together, yet he acts like your husband when he’s around shows that he’s not putting your emotional health before his. My best advice for you is to stop accommodating his needs. You shouldn’t be sharing yourself with a man who tells you that he can’t come back with you. The line has to be drawn clearly in the sand – and that line states that you won’t play the role of his wife unless he jumps back into the role of your husband. Stop asking him to come back, focus on your child and yourself. Once your husband understands that you’re done begging him to come back to you, he’ll begin to worry that you’re considering the end of the marriage too and that should push him back into reality. Let me know how things work out. In life and love, Gillian

  25. Lonely again says:

    My boyfriend and I had an argument yesterday and now he won’t talk to me. The problem was that we had a date that night and had even reserved a room to spend the night, but he cancelled because he had to go out of town because if work. He had already cancelled a previous date because of the same reason. I got upset because I had changed plans I previously had and I was really looking forward to seeing him. Because of our work and my school, we don’t get to go out often. He did call and asked if I would get mad, and I told him it seemed there wasn’t a choice for me because he had to work and couldn’t get out of it. Then he texted, “cancelled the room :(“. I texted back, “I knew something would come up. In fact I would have been very surprised if we had actually made it on this date.”. He texted back that I was making him feel like s%#t. He then texted later just to say he was leaving out of town already. I never responded again and he didn’t text again. The next morning I saw he was on Facebook so I messaged him saying, “Hey”. He never responded and logged off after a few minutes. He hasn’t called, texted, or messaged again. He works tomorrow and I’m tempted to go talk to him at work. I don’t want to loose him over this. I don’t know if I overreacted but I was upset that twice in a row he cancelled. Don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to call or text because of afraid he’ll ignore me. Should I go talk to him at work or do the no contact and wait for him to call?

  26. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Lonely Again – It sounds like you’re in a very emotional situation. Let me begin by saying that as women, we tend to react to things with our hearts wide open. In other words, if we’re deeply disappointed we’re going to show that to our guy and that typically is going to involve some pain on our part. Your reaction was understandable and I don’t think inappropriate given the circumstances. Many men just don’t know how to deal with that type of emotion. Because of that, they tend to shut down and they’ll pull back, partly out of confusion and also from letting you down. That’s what has happened with your boyfriend I think. He knew you’d be disappointed by the canceled date, you were and now he’s unsure of what he should do next so he’s going to retreat into himself until things blow over. The best advice I can offer you is not to contact him again for at least a few days. His actions have spoken for him and he’s made it painfully clear that he needs some space and room. Don’t chase after him trying to get him to talk to you. You’re better than that. Busy yourself with other things, don’t say a peep to him on facebook or through text and leave it at that. Once he cools down and can think clearly about what to say to you, you’ll hear from him. I just want to end by saying I applaud you for clearly expressing your disappointment in the canceled date. Many women keep all of that emotion bottled up inside out of fear of upsetting their boyfriend. But he let you down, you told him and now he’s hiding. Let him do that, and just go about your daily life. Don’t cater to his moods. You weren’t the one who broke the date. In life and love, Gillian

  27. janny says:

    Hi Helpful Diva, I’m from Vietnam. So my boy friend (British) asks for taking a break. I did agree and he still texts me like: I go to work now, thank you for waking me up, or I go to bar now. So I don’t know should I continue texting him or not? He has taken a break for 1 day. So my point is, please if you can suggest what I should do next.

    Best regards,
    Thank you :)

  28. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Janny – I’m glad you wrote. Since it was his idea to take a break I do think you should stop responding to his texts. Sometimes a man can say he wants some time apart or some distance, but then he quickly realizes that he can’t handle having no contact with the woman he loves. You must not chase after him or appear upset without him. Don’t initiate any contact yourself. Give it a few days but I have to say, judging by the small amount you shared, that he misses you too much to want the break to last very much longer. In life and love, Gillian

  29. janny says:

    Dear Gillian, thank you so much for your reply. Today one thing happened, I didn’t text back and didn’t listen to his call. But because he called too much, in the end I listen to the phone. And he was very angry. He said I was childish to not listen to the phone. He said he just wanna take a break, not a break up. Then I ask him how long he wanted to have a break, he said He didn’t sure. I asked him, so what happened after this break? You want to break up or come back? And then he said we might be break up. I texted him “you are very selfish to put me in this position, unsure about my relationship. A couple will work problems out, don’t need to give a word, they will automatically give space. If you want to break up, say it, and i’m fine. If you want to work relationship out, let’s do it. I hate “might be” Might be, as i understand, means “it is”, So decide what you want and in the time you decide, we will have no contact, i wanna give you total space and peace to decide. I’m not a fool anymore” And he texted me back: ” You certainly sound like a foolish little girl. I just want more space, just a bit. Anyway, nice day :)” I’m very angry that he said I am a foolish little girl. Then I text “thank you for you comment” and totally now I don’t want to text him. Did I do anything wrong Gillian and what should I do next? Thank you :)

  30. Tercin says:

    Dear Gillian,

    PLEASE HELP ME!! IT ALL DON’T MAKE ANY SENCE

    I’m the Dumpee!! I’m 47 and my ex is 53 he is a widower of two years. We are both career minded people with good stager in our community. After the death of his wife (about 9 months later) he was hooked up with a women for sexual pleasure, he fell for her even though she was the type that did not want any kind of commitment, she ended up hurting him by having an affair with his best friend, their relationship (or whatever it was) only last about 5 months. We meet and where only friends (for the first 4 months) we would talk at the local pub and share stories as friends do. We went out on a few casual dates, then started seeing each other more and more, we have a lot of things in common and I thought we had an understanding, I have been divorced for 6 years after a 19 year marriage, he was married for 23 years before the death of his wife, with both have grown children that we love very much as being single parents they are our lives, I knew going into this relationship that he was no were near the commitment status that I was, but over time it seems like he was ready to move forward (not to forget his wife, but to get on with life). In this 14 months we have taken each other to every family affairs, and introduced each other to family/friends, he recently even introduced me to his deceased wife’s family. He has a place at the beach and a place in the mountains that he told me to leave things there (clothes, shoes, etc..) so that we could pack light when we would visit either place. He and I would seldom have conversations of the future and our life together as we grew older. In this relationship I have been the chaser (I think that’s the word I want to use) I was always ready to go whenever he called and I would question him if for some reason he didn’t call/text, after awhile I think I really got out of control with my owe mind, I know he would have never cheated on me because it’s just not his style, but I would still have these thoughts in the back of my mind that if he wasn’t with me then maybe he was with the sexual women (first women) and I only thought this because she would still call him, at first he would tell me when she would call and I would get mad, then he said that he wasn’t telling me because I got to upset (well tell her to stop calling) he said that I had nothing to worry about with this women and I really do believe him, she isn’t the type you would want around your family.
    As time went on I would just want more and more of his time and he seemed to want me around more and more, we really didn’t have no obligations at home so we were both free to get and go when ever either one of us would call. For about the last 4 months our relationship became very comfortable and we told each other that we loved one another!! But in reality I didn’t think he meant it the same way that I did, I was saying it from my heart and I feel he was saying it from his head… could it have been me not understanding his personality ??? I truly fell in love with this guy and as I type this I have a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach.
    Three weeks ago I felt something wasn’t right, not a big deal, but something was on his mind. I asked him if there was something he wanted to talk about and he said no everything is fine “what? Don’t I make you happy” I told him he did and I enjoy every moment with him, the next morning we woke up and he said I know you want to talk so let’s talk, he did the whole break up thing! Saying that he just don’t feel like he can give me what I need (commitment) and that is seems like Im not happy, and I calmly as I could said thank you for your honesty (of course I had tears running down my face) I knew there was nothing I could do if he didn’t want to be in this relationship, But then he grabbed and I was crying on his shoulder he said “Im going to tell you something that is really going to confuse you” I looked at him in the face and he had a tear running down his cheek, he said “ I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want you to move in with me” “take your time to think about it” I was in shock I couldn’t even speak I thought “what the hell just happen” he then told me that he just put me through a test that if I would have walked out then he would have known my love was not sincere. So everything was fine for the next two days then the text/calls with slowing down and not wanting to see me then he was away for work and when he got back (a week after the above conversation) he called me and told me we shouldn’t see each other! I haven’t spoke (or even tried) to him in two weeks, I did send a second chance letter and texted me “I got your letter today. I would like to stay friends; I guess we will have to see how things work out”. What does all this mean “HELP” we are a middle age couple who still do a lot of youthful things together. I’m doing the NC rule! But really we are not in high school, should I call/text him? I love him and want him back in my life, any suggestions are welcome. Thank you in advance!!

  31. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Janny – I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. From the sounds of it, your boyfriend is feeling a lot of emotional conflict over everything that’s happening. I believe, that his reaction to you refusing to take his calls shows that he wants to be in control of what is happening between the two of you now. The anger that he displayed to you was likely driven by confusion and fear. When you stopped catering to him, by answering his calls or texts, he panicked. He may have been fearful that you were already slipping away from him and he reacted in anger because he was unsure of what to do. I think you need to try and break contact with him for at least a few days. He’s very conflicted and if you repeatedly ask him whether you two are going to get back together, he feels that he alone can decide that. He knows that you’re anxiously waiting for him to decide, so he’ll make you stew and wait. You need to take back some of the emotional control in this relationship and you can do that by staying quiet, staying strong and showing him (not telling him) that you will be okay whether or not you two eventually break up. When a man feels that he’s on the cusp of losing the woman he loves, all his scattered feelings can suddenly become crystal clear and he’ll want her back more than ever. In life and love, Gillian

  32. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Tercin – It’s so confusing, isn’t it? In many ways relationships are more challenging as we mature. I can tell you that I believe you are handling yourself with enormous grace. It seems to me that this man is conflicted about loving you. It’s very different when a marriage ends because of death as opposed to divorce. He may still be suffering the emotional consequences of losing his wife and in his eyes, making a serious commitment with another woman would be viewed as disrespectful to her. This is much more common than many people realize. My best advice to you is to continue honoring yourself by not allowing this man to manipulate your feelings. I believe that when he initially tried to break up with you, that he wasn’t being sincere when he said it was a test. He panicked when he saw how emotional you became and he didn’t know what to do. It was smart of you to send the second chance letter and to make the effort to remain in his life as a supportive and loving friend. Show him that you care for him, regardless of what prize is waiting for you at the end of the journey. If he senses that you truly want the best for him and that your desire for a commitment is secondary to his needs, he’ll see the best in you again. Just be careful that you don’t overwhelm him with too many phone calls, or texts. Pace yourself and try and appear okay with everything that is going on between you two. If your ex boyfriend sees that you’re strong enough to move past the hurt that you’ve experienced over this, he’ll see a side of you that he’s bound to view as incredibly compassionate and endearing. I wish you all the best. In life and love, Gillian

  33. Alex91 says:

    Hi Gillian,

    I hope you still reply to new questions, but I can see on here that it’s mostly females contacting you in regard to their ex bfs, I’m wondering does your views slightly change when it’s the gf that broke
    Up with you (me) I tried all the usual stuff, begging, pleading like all men do, but she wasn’t having none of it, I have tried giving some space (I managed a week without contact) but I gave in, weve spoken a little, with me pretending to be okay and going out, but im not, she says that I know that this is it (over) but says she wants to e friends, we spoke I’m trying to keep it light hearted just joking around me and me casually reminding her of the good times, she always reponds positively (btw it’s always me starting the convos off) but when I do this she seems really intrested in what I’m doing and that she’s glad that we’re able to be civil and friendly! It’s tearing me apart, It’s been a month now since we spilt, I’ve read a few topics on various forums, everyone has mixed throughts on the no contact rule, most people say its just to move on and I hope I don’t help her in doing that by me disappearing for a while
    And seeing now that we were friendly, if she contacts me again (being friends) what should I do? She kept saying a week or two ago that she just doesn’t want a relationship, as it’s all just too much and to be honest, I wasnt the best of bfs, my heart was always in the right place, but I made a few mistakes, my life style has now changed, going out more etc, I just hope she sees if that can change then maybe other things will aswell!

    Thanks for reading :)

  34. Tercin says:

    Gillian,
    Thank you for your response! I would like to ask you if you think I should try to contact him as a friend? he sent me a text on 5/4 to tell me he got my second chance letter and I responded two days later say thanks for letting me know and that was it!!! I havent heard nothing from him and I havent tried to contact him either even when my heart and head are telling me to, but I fear that if I do he will reject me since he hasnt tried to contact me. should I give it more time?

  35. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Tercin – I absolutely think you should give it more time. Men are often much slower to process their emotions than we are. They look at live and love from a logical place, whereas we, as women, often see it from an emotional place. Give it at least another week. I know that may sound frightening, given the fact that you’re likely concerned that he may just decide that you’re no longer interested in him, but time is really your best ally at the moment. He needs time to process what’s happened between you two and he really needs a chance to miss you. Give him both. In life and love, Gillian

  36. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Alex – I’m so glad you wrote. Men and women do tend to handle break ups in different ways. You need to view your girlfriend’s request to be friends as a step in a very positive direction. Most women will try and distance themselves completely from a man after a break up if they feel nothing for him. Your ex girlfriend wants to keep you in her life. Generally that’s a strong sign that deep down she’s feeling some confusion and doesn’t want to completely let go yet. If she contacts you again I’d be inclined to suggest that you two do something that friends would do – that might be grabbing a coffee, going to a movie or hanging out with a bunch of friends. If you show her that you truly want to be her friend, that will help her see that you have her best interests at heart. It’s impressive to read that you’ve learned from your mistakes and if you show your ex that you have indeed done that, it will touch her too. Please consider the positives in your situation – you’re a better man now than you were then and you two are embarking on a friendship. She’s still a part of your life and with the right effort and patience you can show her that you truly value and adore her. In life and love, Gillian

  37. Alex91 says:

    Hi Gillian,

    Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it! So how do you think I should go about this? Like I said its always been me that’s started the convos off, our last convo was me telling her that I’m going out tonight, doing this doing that, she wanted to know what I was up to and that, do i now leave her to contact me? I almost sent her a text today, saying how I feel about her, how I’ve changed etc, but I didn’t send it, wasent sure if it was wise or not, I do feel in a way that she has distanced her self, as at first when I was trying to get her back (which I’m still trying to do but not lettin her know or give anything anyway) she wouldn’t answer the phone etc, when we spoke about being friends a couple of weeks ago, she kept saying ‘just friends nothing more’ I’m worried that I’ll just be her safety net, I just wish she was able to see how I have changed, I really do love her, but I also want her to be happy aswell, so do I wait for her to contact me and I disappear for a while? Shall I always keep the impression that I just want to be friends? Or just tell her the truth (which I’m sure she knows anyway)
    I’m a little unsure on how to approach this…
    Thanks in advance :)

  38. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Alex – I’m glad you didn’t send her the text telling her how you feel. It’s not the right time yet. The thing with being friends with an ex is that it’s a doorway towards something more again. The fact that your ex made it clear that she wants to be “just friends nothing more” shows that she views herself as emotionally vulnerable right now. As women, we need to create some emotional distance between the break up and a new connection with our ex. Many of the most enduring and loving relationships are renewed romances that are based on friendships. If you establish yourself as her supportive and non-threatening friend, other feelings will naturally come from that. For now, if you have to be the one to initiate contact, continue to do so. Ask her if she’d like to meet for a coffee so you two can catch up in person. When you do meet, try your best not to get overly emotional or sentimental about how things used to be. This may cause her to retreat emotionally. You’ll be able to tell when she starts to let the wall down. It may take a few weeks, but once it does, you’ll notice her being more flirtatious again. Until then continue on your course of being the new and improved version of you. Women have great instinct. We absolutely can spot changes in our man. She’ll soon notice how hard you’ve worked to be a better man. In life and love, Gillian

  39. Alex91 says:

    Thank you for this Gillian,

    Sorry but I have a few more questions, what you said was great, I was wondering how often should I contact her, it’s been 3 days since we spoke, shall I keep it simple and light? Should I do the odd compliment etc, also as well I know her friends and family have been advising her that she did the right thing by leaving, does this change anything? I feel like I’m fighting for her and her friends/fam approval, she seems fine with things, would be wig friendly with her cause her to think that she made the right decision, she kept telling me whilst I was begging her back that she knows ‘this is it’ and I’m not coming back. Also she is going on holiday in a few weeks with her fam, do you think this will give her time to reflect on things, I won’t be able to contact her during this time, I’ve also noticed that she’s been going out a lot (clubbing). I’m a bit worried that she won’t come back due to the fact that she might be ‘living the life’ which sounds like its better than it was with me, also with being friends, do you think she could just use that friendship, so she doesn’t feel so guilty over leaving, she has told me plenty of times that she feels guilty for what she’s done to me.. By leaving.. People say to start no contact, but I feel this will just let her get over me faster..

  40. Tercin says:

    Thank you Gillian,
    Sorry but I have one more thing to ask, because I dont know if this is going to put a damper on us ever gettin back together, In my first post I told you about the women who hooked up with my ex after the death of his wife and was having an affair with a friend of his (which he knew who it was), my ex never told me who it was, acually the friend told me it was him that she was having an affair with, Over these last fourteen months, we have all hung out and went on vacation together, and the wife of the cheater and I became good friends (but I was holding on to a seacret) about her husband cheating with my ex’s rebound women, right before he broke up with me I was with the wife and she was confinding in me things about her husband, and I couldnt hold back anymore and told her about the affair he had with that women, (she told me it wasnt the first affair) her husband called me and cussed me out. well to get to the point, the wife of the cheater is my ex’s sister, she has only talked to me once since I told her what I knew, and once since the break up. Do you think he would not ever come back because of that??? My mind is going crazy thinking if I did the right or wrong thing to my friend and if I dont have any chance with my ex at all because of that.. Please let me know your thought on this!!! I would think if my ex had a problem with what I told his sister (which at one point he wanted to tell her and as if I could then switch up and said no) he would but never did….. Thanks

  41. Tina says:

    Hi
    I’m newly broken up from my boyfriend of 2 years. I was the one who broke up with him but not because I didn’t love him but because I was hurt. We have been arguing for months before the break up but he always managed to see the positive in it all and I of course being a woman saw the negative. Now we are no longer together but he still wants contact. He doesn’t want anyone to know ER aren’t together, his FB still says in a relationship, and he still wants me to handle some is his personal affairs. He has mentioned that all he wants is for me to be happy and to look at the positive and not the negative.

    Please help me understand what I should do. I’m so distort over this.

    Thank you!

  42. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Tercin – It’s very hard to say whether your ex boyfriend is resenting you because of what happened with his sister. Family dynamics can be very difficult to read. If he was also considering revealing the affair, you likely don’t have to worry about him holding a grudge about that. It really is dependent on how close he is to his sister. You can’t ever really know how he feels about it at this point so I don’t think it’s worth worrying over. I do think, given what you’ve shared to this point, that he does still have feelings for you in spite of everything that’s happened between you two. Consider the fact that he hasn’t shut you completely out of his life. That speaks of hope. In life and love, Gillian

  43. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Tina – I’m assuming from the tone of your note that you still care deeply for your ex boyfriend, yes? I understand that you felt a need to break up with him because you were in emotional pain. I’m guessing he’s beginning to understand that now as well. It’s important to consider the fact that unless you two work out the issues that caused you to feel pain, that a renewed romantic relationship just won’t work at this point. If you feel strongly that you want to be back with him, talk with him. Explain what you’ve been feeling and what you need from him. Let him know that you’d like to try again but you recognize that you both need to work out a way for your needs to be heard. If you can share this in a rational and calm manner, he’ll hear it and absorb it. Remember, trying to repair this without any type of change isn’t going to work in the long term. In life and love, Gillian

  44. Tercin says:

    Gillian,
    Thank you so much for your advice, at this point its been 2 1/2 weeks since the break up and the little text between us about the second chance letter, you mention that “it was smart of me to send the second chance letter and to make the effort to remain in his life as a supportive and loving friend. Show him that you care for him, regardless of what prize is waiting for you at the end of the journey” I havent done anything to remain in his life (should I be doing something?) There has been NO contact at all, beside one text about the letter, none of his friends or family have talked to me either…. is this a sign that he is totally done with me?? I still hurt so bad and Im working all the M3 advice, but I cant help to wonder if Im out of his mind and has he moved on??? one other thing do you belive in horoscopes? Thank Gillian

  45. Alex91 says:

    Thank you Gillian,

    Sorry but I have one more thing to ask, because I dont know if this is going to put a damper on us ever gettin back together, In my first post I told you about the women who hooked up with my ex after the death of his wife and was having an affair with a friend of his (which he knew who it was), my ex never told me who it was, acually the friend told me it was him that she was having an affair with, Over these last fourteen months, we have all hung out and went on vacation together, and the wife of the cheater and I became good friends (but I was holding on to a seacret) about her husband cheating with my ex’s rebound women, right before he broke up with me I was with the wife and she was confinding in me things about her husband, and I couldnt hold back anymore and told her about the affair he had with that women, (she told me it wasnt the first affair) her husband called me and cussed me out. well to get to the point, the wife of the cheater is my ex’s sister, she has only talked to me once since I told her what I knew, and once since the break up. Do you think he would not ever come back because of that??? My mind is going crazy thinking if I did the right or wrong thing to my friend and if I dont have any chance with my ex at all because of that.. Please let me know your thought on this!!! I would think if my ex had a problem with what I told his sister (which at one point he wanted to tell her and as if I could then switch up and said no) he would but never did….. Thanks

  46. Alex91 says:

    Thank you for this Gillian,

    Sorry but I have a few more questions, what you said was great, I was wondering how often should I contact her, it’s been 3 days since we spoke, shall I keep it simple and light? Should I do the odd compliment etc, also as well I know her friends and family have been advising her that she did the right thing by leaving, does this change anything? I feel like I’m fighting for her and her friends/fam approval, she seems fine with things, would be wig friendly with her cause her to think that she made the right decision, she kept telling me whilst I was begging her back that she knows ‘this is it’ and I’m not coming back. Also she is going on holiday in a few weeks with her fam, do you think this will give her time to reflect on things, I won’t be able to contact her during this time, I’ve also noticed that she’s been going out a lot (clubbing). I’m a bit worried that she won’t come back due to the fact that she might be ‘living the life’ which sounds like its better than it was with me, also with being friends, do you think she could just use that friendship, so she doesn’t feel so guilty over leaving, she has told me plenty of times that she feels guilty for what she’s done to me.. By leaving.. People say to start no contact, but I feel this will just let her get over me faster..

  47. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Alex – I understand your concern about her getting over you if you go forward with no contact. That’s really not likely to happen. The idea behind no contact is really two-fold. It’s meant to help you gather your feelings together so you can be emotionally calm and rational when you two do talk. It’s also meant to give your ex time to reflect. She needs that. The fact that she’s going out clubbing and is having fun isn’t indicative of her emotional compass at the moment. Many people – post break up – will dive back into the social scene because they feel it will help them get past all the difficult stuff they’re feeling related to their ex. To them it’s a band-aid fix but when the party’s over and they are sitting alone they have to face the fact that the break up may not have been the best thing. I think the fact that she’s going away should be viewed as a godsend. Vacations have a way of putting things back into perspective. She’ll have ample time to think about you and about what she wants for her future. Until then, drop her a text every few days just to say hi. If she doesn’t respond as often as you’re sending them, pull back a bit. Remember that this is between you and your ex Alex. Her family and friends may have some pull but at the end of the day, it’s your girlfriend’s heart that you need to win over. No one else’s. Focus on being the best friend you can to her. The rest will follow suit. In life and love, Gillian

  48. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Alex – I’m a little hit and miss with the comments it seems. I thought I had answered this but then realized I must have deleted my own comment. :) I don’t know that this will impact your future with your ex. I think if that were the case your ex likely wouldn’t be talking with you at this point at all. There are so many factors that play into our emotions after a break up but I’m confident in saying that I don’t believe this one situation could ruin your chances forever considering your ex and you still are in contact. Hope this helps. In life and love, Gillian

  49. HelpfulDiva says:

    Hi Tercin – I do believe in horoscopes. I’m also a very firm believer in the Law of Attraction. Emotions take time to sort through after a break up. I know that you wish he would come to his senses and want you back today (we all feel that after a break up with a man we love) but you really do need to be patient. I completely understand how hard that can be. Let me tell you a bit about my own situation when my boyfriend dumped me (he’s my husband now). It took weeks for him to contact me again. I had packed up every reminder I had of him and filed it away. I had even gotten to the point where I didn’t listen to his last voicemails again and again. Suddenly, out of nowhere he wanted to talk. Time is really your best friend right now. Focus on you. Let him stew in his emotions for at least a bit longer. You’ve done your part – you’ve made it clear you want to be friends. The ball is in his court right now. Remember that men take longer to process their emotions. In life and love, Gillian

  50. Tercin says:

    Thank you again Gillian,
    ok so Im going on with me doing my thing, rebuilding who I was!! This will be my last question, for a few more weeks – anyway (lol) I have something of his and he has things of mine, the day he broke up with me he told me he would get my things together and I told him to call/text me when he wanted me to pick it up, I told him that I wasnt going to call/text, needless to say he hasnt call/text and I have stuff at his condo, house and trailer… should I call him on this or wait for him to contact me about my things?? also when do I take picture of him off of facebook? (i try not to get on anymore) he still has all of mine on his page?