Should I Have a Heart to Heart Talk with My Ex Boyfriend? Why This May Not Help
You’re a woman. You feel things deeply, don’t you? You love ferociously and when you’re hurt you can feel it in every corner of your heart. Since you and your boyfriend parted ways, your life has been in turmoil. You miss him and the break up has forced you to really realize just how much he meant to you. Now you want to make things right between the two of you. You’ve been asking yourself the question, “should I have a heart to heart talk with my ex boyfriend?” You know you’re ready for it but is he? Before you call him up and start discussing the fine points of what tore you two apart and how you can mend both your hearts and get things back on track, you need to consider if it’s the best path to follow. Just because you feel it’s time to address the issues and discuss getting back together, it doesn’t mean he’s feeling that at all.
Before you have any type of meaningful discussion with your ex boyfriend you have to consider where the motivation is coming from. Right after a break up, you can’t count on your emotions to steer you in the right direction. You feel overwhelmed with not only sadness over the loss of the relationship, but also anxiety over what the future holds for you. I know that it can even feel terrifying to try and form a thought about a future without him. You’ve been planning your life around him and now he’s gone. How can you possibly move forward towards the unknown without him by your side? If those are the feelings that are driving you to a direct and honest conversation with your ex, stop for a moment. It’s not time.
If your emotions are directing your actions, you have to get yourself to a more lucid place. When you do have a heart to heart with your ex boyfriend it has to happen when you feel somewhat emotionally detached from the situation. By that, I mean that you can’t be on the brink of tears and ready to fall apart at the mere mention of anything he feels you did that played a part in the two of you breaking up. An honest discussion about the end of a relationship is bound to include comments about the behavior of both of you and you must feel strong enough to handle his criticisms.
Take a Break Before You Talk to Your Ex Boyfriend
Taking some time away from the emotions surrounding the relationship and the ending of it is vital. It’s hard to separate yourself from what your heart is feeling but with a concerted effort, it can be done, to a degree. You need to help your heart and mind find a new focus. I’m not suggesting you start a new relationship as a way to fill in your time and energy until you can mend the last one. No, that’s not advisable at all. What you should be doing is looking within and charting a course for your life, at the moment, that doesn’t include your ex boyfriend.
You may want to pursue a new career path by enrolling in the local community college and take a few upgrading courses. Perhaps you’ve always imagined doing a family tree as a gift to your relatives, but you’ve never had the time to devote to it. Or maybe you’re the adventurous type and now is your chance to finally do the rock climbing trip you’ve long wished you could. The point is that this is your time to be selfish and to pursue what you want.
Once you feel emotionally balanced and ready for anything your ex boyfriend may throw at you, call him and gauge where he’s at. He may still be wallowing in self pity after the split and may not be ready to go over what happened and whether he even wants to try again. Listen to his tone, read between the lines of what he says and if it’s not clear that he’s eager to see you, leave it for now.
You never want to rush into having a talk with your ex about the break up. You have one chance to make it meaningful and productive so be patient. You’ll know what it’s the ideal time.
I, too, went through a very painful break up and understand the urgency that you feel in wanting to repair the broken relationship. I share more about my own experiences and how I used text messages as a masterful tool to get him to open up and want me back here.