One question I’m repeatedly asked by women on my blog is, “should I tell my ex boyfriend I’m doing no contact or not?” It’s a legitimate question and if you’re unsure you should always double check either by searching for some information online or asking someone with a bit more insight. Here’s the problem though. Unless you seek out the right voice who knows exactly what the correct answer is, you may just be undermining your own effort to get the man you love back.
My answer to the question is “NO!” Notice I’m screaming that at you. The reason you don’t want to tell your ex boyfriend that you’re doing no contact is fairly straightforward. If you make an announcement and explain to him that you’ve decided that you’re not going to speak with him or contact him in any form for the foreseeable future, he’s going to label you a drama queen. He’s going to take it as just another ploy on your part to get him back. If you’ve been hounding him by begging him to come back to you, he may even welcome the news that you’re going to do no contact. It certainly won’t have the same impact that it would have had if you would have just gone silent on the man.
Using No Contact to Your Advantage
No contact isn’t all just about creating a sense of longing in your ex boyfriend. Granted, that’s a bonus and it can really influence him emotionally to the point that he’ll come running back, but there’s another aspect of no contact that most women don’t fully comprehend.
Your feelings are very volatile right now. I remember after my break up how quickly I could go from laughing about something to crying about my ex boyfriend. It literally took only seconds sometimes. If your emotions are hanging so delicately by a string like that, you’re bound to do and say things that are emotionally driven. Those are the same things that you’ll regret tomorrow, or the day after that or next week.
No contact allows you the chance to catch your breath after the break up. It gives you the opportunity to start feeling more balanced in an emotional sense and it puts some space between you and the biting sting of the break up. As each day passes, that you don’t speak with your ex, you’re going to find that you feel stronger, and you’ll cry less and the anger that was so close to the surface, won’t be a factor anymore.
I strongly advise women to just disappear from their ex boyfriend’s radar. There is definitely not a solid reason to tell the man that you’re going to stop talking to him. He will view it as part of your game to get him back and the moment you break your promise not to contact him, he’ll be irritated with you.
Just stop calling him today. Don’t send another text message regardless of what is going on in your life that you feel compelled to tell him and don’t post cryptic messages on your Facebook wall or twitter account in the hopes that he’ll realize they’re directed at him.
In fact, remove him from your cell phone’s address book and from your Facebook friends’ list too. Your actions right now are going to set the tone for any future interactions you two have. You can show your ex boyfriend how strong and determined you are to focus on yourself by dropping out of sight for a few weeks.
I know it feels impossibly hard to do this when you still love him deeply, but it does help. Time really can make a huge difference in how a break up turns out. Give yourself the gift of no contact.
You can learn more about my personal story of getting my boyfriend back here. Remember to stay strong, true to you and focused.