Your Ex Boyfriend and Facebook! The Rules You Need to Follow

You’ve suffered through the break up and now you’re trying to put your heart back together. It’s hard, isn’t it? Emotions are fluid and constantly changing as you try to absorb that you and your boyfriend aren’t together anymore. The situation takes on an even more sombre tone if you haven’t stopped loving him yet. There are so many levels of grief that a woman must work her way through after the most important relationship of her life ends.

Perhaps you’ve already started pulling away from the mutual friends you two have shared because you’ve noticed they are more “his” friends than “yours.” Maybe you’ve stopped all contact with his family members because you don’t feel it’s your place to be present in their lives anymore. And you more than likely have packed up any of his stray belongings left at your place because looking at them is just too painful.

There’s also the not-so-small issue of Facebook to deal with. I’m asked about Facebook on my blog more than anything else lately. Women who have been dumped or who dumped their guy and regret it, want to know how to handle the issue of being his friend on the site. I have a few pieces of advice that can prove really helpful if you’re struggling with this issue now.

  • Don’t spend hours looking at his wall. Wondering what your ex boyfriend is up to is natural. If you spend countless hours looking at what he’s posting on his wall and trying to read between those lines, that’s a huge waste of your time. He’s going to be different now that you two aren’t together. You’re not going to be able to find some hidden message in any of the photos or posts he makes. It’s also going to hurt more than you can imagine if you read anything that suggests he’s interested in someone new.
  • Don’t investigate his friends’ list. ¬†One woman who wrote to me about her ex boyfriend kept a record of his friends. Each day she’s scour over it looking for anyone new in an effort to see if he was already dating another woman. Don’t torture yourself in this way. Most people add and delete people from their friends’ list on a daily and weekly basis. If you see an unfamiliar, pretty face you may jump to the wrong conclusion so it’s best to keep your prying eyes to yourself.
  • Don’t try and contact him through Facebook. Posting anything on your ex boyfriend’s wall is a huge no-no. I don’t care if it’s a fun picture you took of the two of you while you were still a couple or if it’s a news story about his favorite sports team. Don’t do it. You also need to stop yourself before you send him any private messages on the site.
  • Defriend him before he defriends you. Can you imagine waking up one day only to discover that your ex boyfriend has not only removed you from his friends’ list but he’s also blocked you from seeing his page at all? The pain that would bring you would be debilitating. Yes, it’s just a social network site that we all frequent and its meaning shouldn’t go beyond that, but in the case of a broken relationship, it does.

Make the Move to Defriend Him Before Your Ex Does it to You

I really can’t stress how important it is for you to take the initiative to remove your ex boyfriend from your friends’ list. I know that it means giving up the ability to look at his stuff whenever the urge strikes you and you’re likely worried that he’ll take offense at it. That’s not the reaction he’ll have.

What will happen once he realizes you’re not his Facebook friend anymore is he’ll see that you’re truly strong enough to take control of yourself in the relationship. He’ll also take it as a sign that you are separating yourself from him.

Once your ex boyfriend feels those things, he’ll have that panicked realization that things may be over for good between you two. It’s very likely he’ll call or text you at this point to touch base or see how you are. That will open up the door for you two to begin talking about getting back together again.

Find the inner strength to defriend him. You’ll be glad you did.

I’ve struggled through a painful break up with the man I love so I know what you’re feeling. If you want to read more about my own personal plight to get my ex boyfriend back, you can do that here.

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